


Lost

by Musicania



Category: GOT7
Genre: Aged Down Characters, Angst, M/M, OT7 feels, but with fluff because I am incapable of writing pure angst, they're high school aged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-11-13 17:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Jaebum woke up alone and panicked on the beach of an island he didn't want to be on. An island for people who were struggling, people who were lost.As he got to know the other boys on the island with him, boys who were just as broken and lost as he was, he realized that piece by piece they were putting him back together again in a way that he hadn't realized was possible. That they were starting to feel like a family he wanted to keep.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was NOT my idea, I was looking through writing prompts on pinterest and came across one that said "there's an island where all lost things end up. You wake up on the beach of that island" and then this fic happened.

The first thing Jaebum was aware of was the gentle, soothing sounds of waves. It was nice. Peaceful. So much so that he almost missed the fact that he should be in his bedroom in Seoul and nowhere near  _ any _ source of waves. 

It was at that moment that he became more aware of his surroundings: the warmth of the sun on his face, the feeling of what he could only assume was damp sand under his cheek, the push and pull of waves against his legs and torso, the warm water lapping against his chest as the waves came in. 

He peeled his eyes open and despite all signs pointing to the fact that he was on a beach, he gaped in horror at the expanse of white sand that surrounded him. 

What the fuck?

He sat up, pushing himself up through the wet sand till the water was just covering his toes when the waves came in. He was definitely on a beach. Fine white sand stretched as far as he could see before the land curved around corners on either side of him, possibly indicating he was on a decent sized island. Behind the beach was thick tropical foliage, broad-leaved palms and ferns dotted with vibrant flowers. 

How the fuck did he get here? 

Was he kidnapped? He looked around somewhat frantically, searching for anything that might explain how he’d gotten from his bedroom in Korea to the beach of a clearly tropical island.

He was alone, no sign of another person anywhere or any sign of any people people in general. No footprints in the sand, no towels, no buildings or roads or any sign that there was another human on the entire island except for him. 

He got to his feet, grimacing at the unpleasant feeling of his wet jeans clinging to his legs. He didn't recognize the jeans or the white T-shirt he was wearing. He wasn't wearing shoes at all. 

He took a few steps, trying to find any clues as to where he was or how he got there when the sun reflecting off something buried just under where the waves met the sand caught his attention. He bent over and looked closer. Keys. 

Well that was a good sign. If someone forgot their keys there must be people around here  _ somewhere. _ He picked them up and hung onto them as he continued walking along the beach. 

A few moments later something else caught his attention. He'd stepped on something definitely more solid than sand. He bent and picked the object up, looking at it in bewilderment. A phone charger. Keys he understood, but who brought a phone charger to the beach? Especially to a beach that had no signs of having anything to plug it into.

He was still frowning at it when a voice carried over the gentle hissing of the waves. “Oh.”

Jaebum's head snapped up and found a guy around his own age dressed casually in a black T-shirt and shorts standing along the treeline, looking at him in surprise. 

Relief flooded Jaebum and he hurried closer, the keys and the charger still absently clutched in his hand. “I’m sorry, but could I ask you where I am?” Jaebum asked when he was close enough for conversation without the two of them shouting across the beach at one another. He prayed the other spoke Korean.

The boy gave him a tentative smile. “Lost.”

Jaebum wanted to scream. “Yeah, I figured out I was lost all on my own, what is this place?” He asked, waving his arms to gesture to the beach and jungle. 

The boys expression softened slightly. “This place is called Lost.”

Okay. Weird name for a beach, but sure. “I… I just woke up here.” Jaebum confessed. “I have no idea where I am or how I got here. I… I'm supposed to be in Korea.”

The man looked a bit hesitant which made alarm bells ring in Jaebum's head. “Technically…you still are.” He said. 

Jaebum gaped at him. “No place in Korea looks like this.”

The guy shook his head. “This is going to sound insane, but please hear me out?”

“I already woke up on a beach in the middle of nowhere. It  couldn't possibly get more insane.”

The man frowned. “Be careful what you ask for.” He paused. “I'm Jackson by the way.”

“Jaebum.” He replied following as Jackson began to walk down toward the water's edge. 

“This place technically doesn't exist. It's more a state of mind than a physical place.” Jackson said as they walked along the shore, Jaebum on the wet sand and Jackson ankle deep in the clear tropical waters. 

“I don't understand.” Jaebum said frankly. 

“Honestly, I'm still not all that sure how it works myself.” He said, reaching into the water to pick up a…television remote?

“What?”

“This place is an island for lost things.” Jackson said, holding up the remote. “Everything that gets lost, washes up somewhere along this beach.”

Jaebum looked down at the keys and charger in his hand. Both were definitely commonly lost items. 

He looked back up at Jackson, deciding for the time being to just go along with it. “How did  _ we _ get here then?”

Jackson smile faded. He used the remote to point to the things in Jaebum's hand. “These things are all lost physically but 'lost’ is not always a physical state of being. You can be mentally lost, emotionally lost too. This place is somewhere peaceful to help people who are lost. Gives them space to help find whatever answers they are looking for.”

Jaebum's stomach dropped and he looked away, unable to meet Jackson's eyes. That… That was something that hit a little too close to home.

Speaking of home… “How do I get back to Korea again?” He asked quietly. 

“You'll go back whenever you're ready to go home. Whenever you feel you're better equipped to face whatever it is you're going through.”

Jaebum wasn't sure there would be enough days for that. 

Jaebum looked back at Jackson. “How long have you been here?”

Jackson started walking again, Jaebum trailing along beside him. “Three days.”

“Won't people be looking for you?” Jaebum asked, seeing something purple wedged in the sand up ahead.

“I told you, technically you're not really here. Not physically at any rate. Your body is back at home, exactly where were you were when you fell asleep. When you're ready to leave you simply wake up where you're supposed to be with nothing but a sense of peace and the memory of an incredibly strange dream.” Jackson explained, turning and sending Jaebum a comforting smile.

And it worked. Jaebum still genuinely didn't understand what was going on or where he was, but he was comforted by Jackson's presence. By the fact he wasn't alone. 

They continued walking in silence. Jaebum had no idea where they were going, but he didn't want to be left alone and there were far worse things Jackson could be making him do than walk peacefully along a beach. 

Along the way Jackson would occasionally bend over and pull things out of the shallows. A soggy teddy bear. An iPhone. What looked like math homework. The thing that had caught Jaebum's eye had been an umbrella, the folded canopy being gently blown around in the breeze off the ocean. 

When Jackson couldn't carry any more in his hands he pulled a rolled up cloth messenger bag from his back pocket and hung it on his shoulder, putting the objects inside as they walked. Jaebum picked up anything that he came across that had made it higher up onto the beach and added it to the bag as well, Jackson sending him a small smile whenever he did so. 

A sock. Sunglasses. Two pairs of horribly tangled headphones. 

It was kind of exciting Jaebum admitted when his eyes caught something silver shining in the sun, half buried in the sand in front of him. It turned out to be a thick-banded silver ring. It was like some kind of weird treasure hunt. 

“What do you do with all this stuff?” Jaebum asked when the bag Jackson was carrying was about half full of the stuff the two had collected.

“We add it to the piles.” Jackson replied, gesturing back towards the jungle. “Everything is sorted into different categories: clothing, electronics, books… There’s tons of stuff here.”

Jaebum eyed the bag the amount of stuff that they’d collected in what couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes. Who knew how long stuff had been washing up here. “How does this place not look like a dump? Shouldn't there be piles of stuff  _ everywhere _ ?”

Jackson laughed softly and shook his head. “No. My understanding is that things only stay here when they are lost. If they get found, they disappear. That remote I picked up disappeared a while ago.”

“It did?” Jaebum asked. He hadn’t noticed when he dropped new things into the bag.

Jackson nodded. “Things disappear if they are destroyed or break in the real world too. It’s only lost things that remain here.”

Jaebum fell silent, having no idea which of the dozens of questions he wanted to ask next and the two continued in relative silence, only speaking occasionally to exchange comments on things they pulled out of the sand.

He noticed a few things as they walked. The weather was strange. It was warm enough to dry his clothes quickly, but not hot enough that he felt uncomfortably hot or sweaty. Despite the clearly tropical environment there was no thick humidity, just pleasant warmth. The breeze was nice and refreshing, but wasn’t too strong or too cold; it hadn’t bothered him even when his clothes were wet. It seemed like some kind of perfect idyllic island that had all of the good qualities of the weather and none of the bad.

If he had to dream he was anywhere other than home, he admitted that his subconscious had done a pretty good job coming up with this place.

His eyes slid to where Jackson was walking, still in the water, his attention on a rubik's cube that he’d picked up a while back that he didn’t seem to be making any progress with. His brow was furrowed in concentration, one of his full lips tucked between his teeth. His dark brown hair was carelessly brushed back from his face the sun bringing out strands of lighter brown 

His subconscious did a pretty good job at coming up with Jackson too.

He looked away, sliding his hands into his pockets as the two continue walking. Jaebum soon became the one picking things up since Jackson was determined to finish that rubik's cube. He rolled up the pant legs of his jeans as far as they would go and pulled Jackson onto the shore so he could take his place in the water, Jackson wordlessly handing him the bag which Jaebum slid onto his own shoulder. 

Everything Jackson told him kept running through his mind again and again as they walked. Honestly it sounded absolutely  _ insane _ , but insane in a kind of way that made him desperately wish that it was true. Even if he spent most of his time these days dreading how time seemed to be passing so quickly and feeling like every day closer to graduation was another weight added to his shoulders he didn’t think he was creative enough to come up with a place like this, even in his dreams.

Jaebum also couldn’t recall ever having been aware he was dreaming in his dreams. Unless that had suddenly changed after eighteen years, it was certainly a point in Jackson’s favour that there might be some truth to what he was saying. A place for troubled people. A place to come to terms with a decision. A place to sort out his thoughts and emotions so that maybe he wouldn’t be plagued with doubts and anger and fear whenever he woke up back in his bed in Korea.

Even if this place didn’t really exist, even if this really was just a dream, Jaebum thought that perhaps having that chance wouldn’t be so bad. Even a reprieve of only a few hours would be welcome. A chance to be somewhere where he didn’t have to laugh and smile and pretend that he was okay when he wasn’t. A place where maybe he could remember what it was like to breathe easily again.

Jackson muttering rude comments about the colour green broke him out of his thoughts and he glanced over, amused at how seriously Jackson was taking that plastic toy in his hands.

“Maybe you should just give up?” He suggested. “I thought you said this place was for helping you with your problems, not for giving you new ones.”

Jackson looked offended that Jaebum would even suggest such a thing and Jaebum was momentarily afraid his teasing had been taken the wrong way, but then Jackson looked back down and saw how little progress he’d actually made and simply shrugged, reaching over to drop the cube into the bag instead. “I guess you have a point.” He glanced up at Jaebum. “You believe me then?”

Jaebum hadn’t figured that part out yet. “Honestly? Not really.” He admitted. “But…I think I want to. I think I want everything you said to be true.”

Jackson looked at him with a sad smile. “I hope this place helps you then.”

_ Me too,  _ Jaebum thought but didn’t answer as a long, dark grey winter jacket was washing up in front of him. He bent over and picked it up, surprised at how heavy the waterlogged fabric was. He looked back at Jackson because he was certain this was  _ not _ going to fit in the bag he still had hanging off his shoulder.

Jackson must have read the question in his eyes because he laughed, took the dripping coat from Jaebum and tilted his head towards the jungle. “Come on. I’ll show you where we put everything we find.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did we think of chapter 1? This fic is going to be pretty different from the fics that I've written so far. I wanted to try some new things so hopefully it all goes well. 
> 
> Also, please save me from coming up with things that get lost by leaving a comment telling me things that you lose frequently, weird things that you've lost or even things that you've found. (or just a comment with your thoughts would be appreciated too!)
> 
> Anyone interested can find me on twitter @musicaniawrites. I usually post teasers of upcoming chapters and I'll keep you up to date on posting dates and times. Not sure of a posting schedule for this one. I'm starting a new job soon so I may have to update every other week (probably on Sundays).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more information about the island and how it works. I admit that I got WAY too into trying to figure the logistics out but I'm kind of obsessive that way (anyone who read Waves and saw how much research I put into that fic probably already knows this about me). I just don't like loose ends or things that don't make sense.

“Come on, I’ll so you where we put everything that we find.” Jackson said, nodding in the direction of the jungle.

That was the second time Jackson had said ‘we.’ The first time Jaebum had thought he meant the two of them, but this time he realized that probably wasn’t the case. “Are there other people here?” He asked as they made their way up the beach towards the jungle.

Jackson nodded. “At least two dozen that I know of. The numbers are always changing though with people coming and going as needed.”

As needed… 

“Can… Can you come here more than once?” He asked, looking around the beautiful island he had found himself on.

Jackson nodded. “This is my second time here actually.” He said quietly, not looking at Jaebum.

Jaebum knew better than to ask. He didn’t want anyone asking him his reasons for being here so even though he was still wasn't sure if Jackson was just a figment of his imagination or not, he didn’t ask. “Is that how you know so much about this place?”

Jackson turned back to him with a smile and a small laugh as he shook his head. “No, there’s this book. Something like a manual for this place. People who have come here before us write stuff down if they figure out how something works. You should read it when we get back to the campsite.” He explained as they reached the jungle, Jackson not caring about the lack of cleared path and stepping through the ferns and bushes along the forest floor.

“Campsite?” Jaebum asked in confusion as he followed hesitantly. His feet were still bare, as were Jackson’s, but the ground was a mix of grass, moss and dirt and was surprisingly soft under his feet. 

“That’s what we call it anyway. There are a few different…settlements I guess you could call them. They’re really just places where the people who want company can be around others. Places that offer some sense of familiarity of being back home. We call the one that I’m staying at the campsite.” Jackson explained as they waded through knee-high foliage for a few seconds before stepping out onto a cleared path covered with what looked like a mix of wood chips and moss.

Jackson turned to him. “This path is a loop that goes all the way around the island. There are a bunch of other paths that will take you to the clearings where we keep the stuff or to the different settlements.”

The path was wide enough for them to comfortably walk side by side so Jaebum fell into step next to him as he looked around at the lush jungle around them. When the only sound that reached his ears was the sound of their feet and the occasionally rustle of leaves in the wind Jaebum realized what he hadn’t over the constant sound of the waves on the beach. There were no animals on this island. No birds or insects. He hadn’t seen any fish in the ocean either.

Now that he had realized it the absence of life was a bit disconcerting. He was all the more glad for Jackson’s presence beside him. If Jackson hadn’t come across him Jaebum was certain that he’d still be on the beach, probably having worked himself into a full blown panic attack by now. 

The interior of the island was every bit as beautiful as the beach was. Lush, vibrant and teeming with plant life but seemingly somewhat organized as well. The path they were on was well maintained, a clear line on either side with no overreaching plants or overhanging branches. He wondered if that was the result of one of the people on the island or if it was part of the mystery of this place. 

Jackson raised his arm and pointed to a new path Jaebum hadn't noticed. “That one cuts the island in half, the clothing piles are in a clearing in the middle of it. It's the biggest and easiest to get to since it's the one we use the most.”

Jaebum nodded as Jackson veered off down that path. “How many different camps are there here?” 

“Three main ones. The campsite is one, obviously. The circus is the biggest one, there are like twenty beds under that tent. Well, we call it a tent but it’s really just bits of clothing stitched together to make this massive tent. The smallest is called the treehouse.” Jackson explained. “But there are small little hideouts hidden all over the island if you care to go around looking for them—small caves, makeshift single person tents, I’ve even seen a hammock or two tied between trees. Some people don’t find comfort in being around others.”

Jaebum understood that. While he loved his family and his friends, as the days went by he felt more and more alone even though he was surrounded by people he cared about. He felt the pressure get heavier with every lie he had to tell, every smile he had to fake and sometimes he caught himself thinking of his friends as just one more person he had to lie to.

They were only walking for a minute or two when Jaebum could see the clearing Jackson was talking about in the distance. The island seemed to be fairly flat so even though they were still a good distance away Jaebum could see the piles start to take shape as they walked along.

“Everyone comes here in the same clothes.” Jackson said, waving a hand at the white T-shirt and jeans that Jaebum was wearing. “You’re more than welcome to keep wearing that as long as you’re here, but most of us like the habit of changing every morning. We pick out things we like from here. There’s tons of options to choose from.”

Jaebum wasn’t sure how he felt about wearing someone else’s clothing but he supposed it was better than never changing at all. 

The clearing wasn’t as large as Jaebum thought it would be, but it was very clearly organized. Jackson threw the coat onto one of the heaps of clothing before he started pointing to the various somewhat-neatly organized piles, some almost as tall as Jackson, and telling Jaebum what the piles consisted of. “Shirts, accessories, pants, coats, socks—good luck finding two that match though—shoes, hats, formal wear, bedding, towels, underwear.”

Jaebum looked at him, startled. Wearing someone else’s clothing was one thing. Wearing someone else’s underwear was a line Jaebum had no intention of crossing.

Jackson saw the look on his face and laughed loudly. “Yeah, we don’t go through that pile too often. There is this really pretty waterfall and pond on the north end of the island that we use for bathing and washing, even though technically we don’t get dirty while here. And there is always the ocean too.” He explained as he pulled the bag off of Jaebum’s shoulder, digging around for the four socks— none of them matching—and tossing them onto the sock pile. The sunglasses were casually tossed onto the pile of hats, scarves and jewelry Jackson had described as the accessory pile.

“How does that work. The whole not getting dirty thing?” Jaebum asked as he followed Jackson through the clearing and onto another path. This time Jaebum noticed boards hanging from a tree that seemed to be sign markers. The path Jackson was leading him down was labelled ‘junk,’ ‘paper,’ and ‘campsite.’ 

“I honestly have no idea. If I had to guess I would say that it is because you’re not really here. Your body is lying asleep back home, just as clean or as dirty as you were when you fell asleep. You can’t change that since you’re not really here. You don’t feel hungry while here. You don’t need to go to the bathroom while here. You can’t get hurt here either.”

“We don’t eat?” He asked. Jaebum had always loved food. He wasn’t sure what it would be like not to eat anything for  _ days _ .

“We don’t  _ need _ to eat.” Jackson clarified. “There is nothing stopping you if you want to though. There are some trees that have coconuts on them along the edges of the beach. There are bushes everywhere that have different berries on them; the red ones are my favourite. They’re sweet.” He said with a small smile as he looked over at Jaebum.

He looked like a little kid, his big eyes sparkling with mischief and Jaebum couldn’t help but smile back, once again grateful that Jackson was the one who found him in his first moments on this island.

 They walked past the path labelled ‘paper’ which Jackson ignored, Jaebum’s mind straying to all the things he could think of that might be at the end of that path. Books? Magazines? More lost sheets of homework?

“ _ This _ is the most interesting place on the whole island in my opinion.” Jackson said, taking the next path on the left. The sign on the tree simply read ‘junk.’

“What is over here?” The path was narrow than the others had been and Jaebum had to fall into step behind Jackson.

“What  _ isn’t _ over here might be a better question.” Jackson replied over his shoulder. “This is where we put the stuff that doesn’t belong in  _ any _ category, nevermind the ones that were chosen. There is probably one of everything you can think of here. And then several hundred more things you didn’t.”

Jaebum was curious as they kept walking, trying to use his height to peek over Jackson’s head, his jaw dropping at what he saw. “Is that…?”

Jackson sent him a smile over his shoulder. “Spiderman? Yeah, it is.”

They walked closer and Jaebum realized that it was just a life-sized stuffed toy but someone had taken some rope and tied him into the trees like he was swinging on lines of webs a few inches above their heads.

“Okay, that’s kind of cool.” Jaebum admitted as they passed underneath.

“Technically I suppose he should go in the toys clearing since he’s just an oversized plushie, but honestly I think he sets up this place up rather nicely.” Jackson said as they entered the clearing.

It was certainly much messier than the fabrics space. There didn’t seem to be any kind of organizational system for it except to put things around the outside of the clearing. Just from his spot at the entrance Jaebum could see what looked like a crystal swan, a yoga mat and an unnecessarily large print of the Mona Lisa tacked to a tree.

“Everything that we don’t think belongs in the other clearings ends up here.” He explained, tossing the frying pan they’d picked up onto the pile. “At first I didn’t think I’d come here all that often but you’d be surprised at how often weird stuff washes up along the beach. Most of these things I don’t understand how people actually managed to _lose_.”

Jaebum was looking at a full-sized iron cannon and found that he had to agree.

“Come on, I’ll show you where the campsite is and then you can figure out your next step.” Jackson said, turning back toward the path.

Jaebum hesitated, curious about what else was in the mess.

For someone who’d just met him, Jackson seemed to be quite good at reading is expressions. “You’ll have plenty of time to look around later if you want to come back. You could literally be here hours.”

Jaebum read between the lines and nodded, understanding that Jackson had no intention of being here for hours. If he squinted between those same lines he could infer that Jackson wasn’t planning on being with  _ him _ for hours either.

He followed Jackson back to the path they were just on, only then noticing the signs opposite them describing what lay in those directions.

Jackson took a left and in no time they were entering yet another circle that had been cleared of trees and foliage.

“This is what we affectionately refer to as the campsite.” Jackson said, waving an arm dramatically around the clearing.

Jaebum could see why this place was called the campsite. A handful of tents of various sizes and colours were set up in a half circle around the perimeter of a small clearing. In the middle was a stone-ringed fire pit with the strangest assortment of chairs circled around it. There were a few traditional folding camp chairs mixed in with bean bag chairs and even a see-through  purple inflatable chair, the kind that Jaebum hadn’t seen since the 90s; parts of it were covered with duct tape where it had presumably been punctured. 

“I feel like I’ve ended up at summer camp on the Island of Misfit Toys.” Jaebum commented offhandedly as he followed Jackson to the ring of chairs.

Jackson sent him an amused look. “Right now there are five of us here.” He explained. He pointed to three of the tents: a small green one that looked like it was made for children on the right side of the fire, a medium sized blue one and a faded red and grey one on the left. “Those are the empty ones. I don’t think there is anything inside them though so you’ll want to go back to textiles to find something to sleep on, if you decide to stay.” He held out the bag, still holding some of the items they’d picked up together. “Why don’t you put the rest of the stuff away? It’ll help you learn the rest of the island. There are signs everywhere and honestly the island isn't really all that big. It's impossible for you to get lost.”

Jaebum nodded and took the bag, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest at the thought of being on his own. “Thanks Jackson. For…well, everything. For making this,” he waved a hand around at everything around them, “somehow easier to take in.”

Jackson gave him a soft smile, his eyes understanding. “We’re kind of in the same boat at the moment. Anything I can do to help, just ask okay?”

Jaebum felt the pressure in his chest that he’d felt since the moment he’d opened his eyes on the beach, the one that felt like it might choke him at any moment, loosen. He felt like he could breathe just a bit easier at the reassuring smile Jackson was giving him. 

“Thank you.” Jaebum said again, hoping Jackson could feel his sincerity. “Let me know if I can do the same.”

Jackson’s eyes widened just a fraction, clearly surprised by Jaebum’s offer. His expression softened once more. “I’ll do that.”

They stared at each other for a few minutes until it got awkward. Jackson was clearly giving him something of a dismissal, not sending him away but the implication that he expected Jaebum to not be where he was anymore was clear enough. 

But Jaebum didn’t know where to go, was kind of afraid that if he left Jackson’s side that he’d never see him again and for some reason Jackson seemed to the only thing keeping him from losing his mind entirely.

But Jackson wasn’t Jaebum’s mother. He was under no obligation to hold Jaebum’s hand and make sure he was okay. Not that Jaebum’s mother had been doing a very good job of that lately, he thought bitterly. Jackson had done more than he needed to to ensure that Jaebum knew where he was and a rough layout of the island. He was here for his own reasons and probably didn’t need or want Jaebum following him like a puppy.

So Jaebum sent him a smile. "I'll see you around then." He said before turning and heading back the way they’d just come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does this have 50 kudos already?! I love you guys ❤ Thank you all so much for your comments on chapter one, I'm so glad that you are all excited to read this and I hope that I don't let you down! Double thank yous to those of you who have let me know things you've lost. I'm going to try my best to work them all into the story at some point so keep them coming!!! This is the last of what I have written (except the ending. I'm basically done that) so you'll probably have to wait a bit for the next chapter. Check in on my twitter for news on that.
> 
> Also, I was confusing myself trying to write this chapter because I kept forgetting where I put certain things directionally on the island so I did a rough (REALLY rough) sketch of the island. If anyone is curious and wants to see it let me know and I'll see if Google can tell me how to link to pictures on here.
> 
> ps: I had a purple see through inflatable chair when I was a kid and it was amazing when it wasn't slowly deflating itself when anything heavier than a pillow was put on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked about the map of the island I made so I decided to post it for everyone to see if you want to. Fair warning, it looks like a 6 year old made it but that is about where my visual art skills are. Drawing is simply not where my talents lie and I have come to accept that. Anyway, if you want to see it you can find it [here](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D14qjCZXcAABKPr.jpg:large)

Jaebum went through the stuff still left in the bag as he walked slowly back the way they’d come. Headphones, a cell phone, a teddy bear, homework. He realized that maybe he should have asked Jackson what kind of stuff the other clearings held since he currently only knew that junk, paper and textiles existed. Jackson had mentioned something about toys too hadn’t he?

He quickly came to a path on the left, the sign next to it reading ‘paper.’ Thinking of the math sheet he veered off down the path and found himself in something of a library in the middle of the jungle. Books and magazines were stacked  _ everywhere _ , some of the stacks almost as tall as he was. 

He was surprised to find furniture among the piles of books. A long sofa that Jaebum couldn’t figure out how someone lost was placed along the outer treeline, currently shaded by the trees behind it. There were three other beanbag-like chairs in various materials and colours but which made the place feel a bit cozier. As he approached he noticed small lamps stuck in the ground between two of the chairs, solar powered garden lamps he realized upon closer inspection. He was surprised at how homey the residents of the island had made this space, how different it was from the textile or junk areas.

He pulled out the sheet of math and crossed to a stack of spiral bound notebooks and textbooks, dropping the bag on the couch as he passed it. He lifted the cover of the notebook on top and skimmed through the notes that were likely from a Korean History course. There was a stack of loose sheets of paper held together with a binder clip and Jaebum added the sheet to the pile, setting it back down and flipping through a few more notebooks. Writing. Math. What looked like biology. His eyes scanned the sides of the textbooks and was somewhat amused to find they were mostly math along with various others, including a copy of the Science textbook he'd used in his first year of high school.

He left the notebooks and walked over the the stacks of books, tilting his head sideways to better read the titles written along the spines. He was surprised when he could read all of them. They were all in Korean. The notebooks had been too he realized belatedly. Wasn't that a bit strange? Perhaps Jackson would know why.

Next to the books were what looks like more notebooks or journals, some with simple paper covers and some with embroidered leather-bound wrappings. He crouched and picked one up, opening to the first page and reading the first two lines before closing it and setting it down again. They weren’t notebooks, they were diaries. The words contained within those covers were not for him to read. Even if he didn’t know who those words belonged it still felt wrong for him to read the innermost thoughts and feelings of other people.

He moved on to a stack of what looked like posters, fist sized stones weighing the paper down so they wouldn’t blow away in the slight breeze that made it inland. He smiled as he flipped through them, recognizing famous actors and Kpop groups and movie posters, a few of the idols he'd had on his own walls as a kid. Some of them were quite old though, showing films or actors that were popular before Jaebum was even born. He once again found himself wondering how long things had been washing up here.

Next to the posters were photographs. A few of them were in frames, those ones being used as paperweights for the ones that were loose. He picked up a few, flipping through pictures. They were taken years ago if the clothing and photo quality were anything to go by, but he supposed that most people didn't print photos anymore. 

A group of friends at their graduation. A child opening presents at what he assumed was a birthday party based on the party hats they were wearing. A couple's wedding photo. 

He felt a bit sad looking at the photos. Aside from the diaries, the things he'd seen in the island so far wouldn't have had much emotional significance to anyone. But these were people's lives, their important milestones and memories printed onto paper. It was kind of sad that those moments ended up in the middle of an imaginary island. 

Of course he could be making far too big a deal out it. Maybe those friends never spoke to one another again after graduation. Maybe that kid grew up to be an asshole. Maybe that couple got divorced. 

But still, the smiles on their faces in the photos seemed genuine. Even if the memories turned sour those moments were still important for shaping these people's lives. 

He laughed at himself when he realized how sentimental he was getting over people he'd never even met before and he set the photos down, getting to his feet and going back to the stacks of books. He realized after reading the titles of one of the stacks that all of them biographies. The books were piled according to their genre.

He had to hand it to whoever organized this place, they really seemed to think things through to make it easier for anyone who was actually looking for something. He wondered if whoever started it was simply just an organized person or if they were organizing as a way to avoid thinking about their reason for being there. Or perhaps there was just simply nothing else to do on the island.

He picked up a fiction story that had an interesting cover and dropped onto the couch, skimming through the description on the back when he heard someone call his name incredulously. “Jaebum-hyung?”

Jaebum looked up and felt his eyes widen when he recognized the man standing at the entrance to the clearing.  _ “Jinyoung?” _ He asked, his lingering suspicion that this was only a dream becoming stronger once more. Jinyoung being here as well seemed far too unlikely for it to be anything else.

The two had known one another since they were children. They were neighbours, only three houses in between theirs. Jinyoung was a few months younger than him and their parents were good friends, the two of them basically living at each other’s houses as they grew up. They used to be inseparable, like brothers.

But even though they were born in the same year, Jaebum was born in early January which meant he was able to start school a year earlier than Jinyoung. It never really mattered that much to them until Jaebum graduated middle school and started high school. They just kind of drifted apart after that, each following their own interests and had their own friends. It was harder to maintain their friendship when they were at different schools, had different workloads and after school commitments. Jaebum wasn’t exactly sure he’d say they were still friends given that they hadn’t spoken in months—and even that was just exchanging complaints over a late bus one morning—but Jinyoung was certainly a friendly face.

“What are you doing here?” Jaebum asked, before realizing that that was a bit of a stupid question.

Jinyoung’s surprised expression faded and he raised an eyebrow in a very familiar gesture.

“Nevermind,” Jaebum said quickly. “You don’t have to answer that.”

Jinyoung gave him a small smile and dropped onto the other side of the couch. “How long have you been here?” 

“A few hours?” Jaebum guessed. “I’m still trying to figure out if I believe that this is real or not.”

Jinyoung laughed, the sound somewhat calming for Jaebum. It was familiar and reminded him of happier times. “I’ve been here almost a week and I still haven’t figured that out yet. It certainly seems like it is though.”

Well that was something. Jinyoung had never been one to have an overactive imagination, was never one to believe in things he couldn’t understand or prove. If he was saying that he suspected this place might be real, that certainly carried some weight. Unless of course Jinyoung was just a part of the dream too.

“Since you’re not completely freaking out I assume someone explained what this place is?” Jinyoung asked, tilting his head curiously.

Jaebum nodded. “Yeah, I ran into someone named Jackson?” 

A look of recognition crossed Jinyoung’s face before he smiled gently. “I like Jackson.”

“I’m glad that he found me.” Jaebum said honestly. “I probably would have lost it if I was left to wander around on my own.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing now?” Jinyoung asked. Apparently he was still a smartass. Jaebum was almost relieved.

He pointed at the bag at his feet. “Jackson and I collected a bunch of things from the beach. He gave me a brief rundown of how the island works and suggested that I put the rest of the stuff away as a way to become more familiar with it. I just haven’t made it past the paper clearing yet.” He admitted, slightly sheepishly

Jinyoung laughed. “This is my favourite place on the island.” He said, smiling contentedly.

Jaebum wasn’t surprised to hear that. Jinyoung had always loved books. He would always try to have Jaebum read them too but Jaebum had had far too much energy when he was younger to actually sit down and read them. 

“Why are all the books in Korean?” Jaebum asked even though he had no idea if Jinyoung would have the answer.

He should have known better than to doubt the observational skills and intuition of Park Jinyoung. “I think it’s part of the magic of this place. All the people that are here speak Korean too. And they all seem to be around our age.”

Jaebum looked at him, surprised. “Really?”

Jinyoung nodded. “I think it’s a way of building some kind of support system for one another. Having people who are your own age increases the likelihood that they’ll understand what you’re going through and be able to help you with whatever it is that you need to overcome. Being able to speak the same language is a crucial part of that.”

That...made a remarkable amount of sense. He supposed he would have no idea how to comfort a middle aged man who just lost his job. Or an elderly man who’d lost his wife of seventy years. Though he wasn’t sure he’d be any good at solving the problems of people his own age either.

“Huh.” Was all he said.

Jinyoung laughed, looking over at him with an amused look. “Have you decided where you’re going to stay?”

Jaebum shook his head. “No. Where are you staying?”

“I was staying at the Circus when I first got here. One of their members found me first and explained everything to me, probably similar to what Jackson did for you. It’s nice there, but some of the other boys can get quite loud. I wanted somewhere a little quieter, with a little more privacy too, so I moved. I’m at the Campsite now.”

“Oh, that’s where Jackson is.” 

Jinyoung nodded. “Right, among a few others. There are still some empty tents if you wanted to stay there too.”

Jaebum glanced through the trees in the direction he now knew the Campsite was in. “Yeah, Jackson mentioned that.”

Jaebum wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay there or not, especially now that he knew Jinyoung was there too. It was nothing against Jinyoung personally, but there was something freeing about being anonymous. With the comfort that came from being around someone he'd once called a friend came the weight of the baggage that came along with that friendship. Jinyoung knew him in a way that a stranger wouldn’t, knew his parents too. He wondered if Jinyoung would give him the same reactions as his friends did. They didn’t understand what Jaebum was so unhappy about and, although they never said anything about it, he suspected that they were kind of tired of Jaebum mentioning it. So he’d stopped talking about it altogether. 

And that had apparently gotten him a trip to this place.

He liked the concept that Jinyoung had just put in his mind, a network of troubled people helping each other out. He hadn’t decided if he actually wanted to talk about his problems, or help others with theirs, but he liked the idea of having others to talk to who were actually willing to listen, and to be a willing sounding board for someone else who might need one.

“You should stay with us.” Jinyoung said, leaning back to catch Jaebum’s gaze again. 

“I’ll think about it.” Jaebum replied vaguely.

Jinyoung smiled. “I think you’ll like the others who are there. They’re good people.”

That was something of a surprise. The Jinyoung that he’d known hadn’t really liked anyone. Jaebum couldn’t tell if that meant Jinyoung had changed or if they simply really were good people.

He thought about Jackson, of his kind smile and his willingness to help when Jaebum felt more lost than ever before. His patience when Jaebum asked him questions even if he didn’t know all the answers. 

Jackson was a good person. If the others were anything like him than Jaebum should consider himself lucky to get the chance to know them.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung said, pulling him from his thoughts. 

Jaebum looked back at Jinyoung, not even realizing that his gaze had strayed back to the book in his hands. “Hm?”

“I know that we’re not close anymore, that we’re not really friends either, but I knew you well once. Unless you’ve changed drastically, I think that these guys will be good for you. And I think you could be good for them too.”

Changed drastically… Jaebum almost laughed. There were days where he didn’t even recognize himself he felt like he’d changed so much. Still, Jinyoung wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t mean it. Even if he wasn’t sure if he felt comfortable sharing the reason he was on the island with him, Jaebum had nothing against getting to know Jinyoung once again, and he found himself wanting to know more about Jackson. He was now curious about the other boys too. 

“Alright.” He said with a small nod. “I’ll stay with you guys then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually meant to post this earlier in the day but I got sucked into reading an amazing fanfiction from another fandom yesterday and spent most of the day thinking about how amazing it was and then thinking about my own shortcomings as an author and how I wish I could write something like that. I'll worker harder, I promise.
> 
> But now we have 3/7 members! You'll get more in the next chapter but I won't say who. Speaking of that chapter, new job starts tomorrow (wish me luck) so it'll likely be two weeks before you hear from me again. I'll post two teasers for you to make up for the long wait so check in on my twitter if you're interested.
> 
> Any comments and kudos are always appreciated and loved. Please keep leaving me comments with anything else you've lost so I can add them into the story. 
> 
> PS: jaebeoba, thank you for your comment and I hope you find your notes/diaries. Jaebum didn't read them so your secrets are still safe.


	4. Chapter 4

The atmosphere between him and Jinyoung rapidly became somewhat awkward. As happy as Jaebum was to see him, he had no idea what to say, how to start a conversation that wouldn't end up with Jinyoung asking something that Jaebum didn't want to answer. It seemed Jinyoung was aware of how uncomfortable Jaebum was. He tried making small talk about the book in Jaebum's hand or about some of the others that he'd read, recommending ones he thought Jaebum might like. Jaebum appreciated it, but eventually used the bag of stuff as an excuse to get to leave, accepting several of the books that Jinyoung suggested before fleeing the clearing. He felt a bit guilty, but he hadn't expecting to see Jinyoung of all people here and he needed some time to figure out how to talk to him given that they weren't really friends anymore.

He decided to start with the other side of the island, the side that Jackson hadn't taken him to. He made his way back to the textile clearing but froze when he saw another guy pulling out T-shirts from one of the piles. He was trying to figure out what he should do when the man turned and saw him just standing there. He blinked in surprise before an awkward smile crossed his face and he sent a small bow Jaebum’s way before moving away and leaving the area through another path at the other end of the clearing, a few shirts in his hands.

Jaebum wondered if that was what it was like here, just randomly bumping into people everywhere. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the possibility of just turning around and finding another person. He didn’t want to be alone but he didn’t like the not knowing if some stranger was going to pop out of nowhere either, even if everyone he'd met so far had been friendly enough.

He lingered for a few minutes to give the guy time to get where he needed to before he headed toward the path that the stranger had disappeared down. The signs tacked to a tree told him that the Circus, the Treehouse and the Waterfall were in this direction, along with the storage space for furniture and toys. He was admittedly curious about the furniture. How did people lose _furniture_? The couch back in the paper clearing was huge. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out how that hadn’t been found yet nevermind how it was actually lost in the first place.

He passed paths that let to the Treehouse and to the waterfall, but his feet slowed when he reached the path that led to the toys and furniture clearing. He paused because at the end of the path he was on he could see a large swath of brightly coloured fabric, clearly visible even from the distance Jaebum was standing at. He was curious about the tent Jackson and Jinyoung had described.

Later, he decided as he veered off towards the storage clearing. It was clearly divided between furniture and toys, the toys section taking up about two thirds of the space. He wandered through the furniture section, seeing things like single drawers, storage baskets, folded fabric chairs and folding trays among the odd larger piece of furniture.

The toy half was far more interesting and Jaebum was tempted to stay and investigate the more curious looking toys that he didn’t recognize. He eventually decided that the Circus intrigued him more, so he tossed the teddy bear onto the pile with other plushies and the rubik’s cube onto a pile of puzzles when he spotted several more of the cubes resting on top of them.

He left the clearing and headed to the end of the path, the reason for the name becoming obvious when he stepped inside the clearing. The space was dominated by a tent that was attached to the top of a tree, at least four times Jaebum's height. The clearing was in a semi circle shape and the tent took up almost all of the space, being tethered to the ground with various tools. The tent itself was almost beautiful in his chaos; a riot of colours and textures from the various fabrics that had been stitched together to make it. There was a T-shirt sized hole near the top that made Jaebum smile, the actual shirt presumably having been found after the tent had been made, the height making it essentially impossible to replace the gap with another.  

The wind caught the opening, the fabric lifting enough for Jaebum to peek inside. Futons and sleeping bags were scattered in various places on the ground, quite a few of them grouped in a corner along the back wall.

“Hi there.” An unfamiliar voice called.

Jaebum startled, his gaze shifting to the other side of the tent where someone was entering the clearing from a path that Jaebum hadn’t noticed before.

“Uh, hi.” Jaebum said, feeling awkward even as the guy sent him a friendly smile.

“Are you new here?” The man asked, stopping next to Jaebum.

“Is it that obvious?” Jaebum asked self-deprecatingly.

The stranger’s smile widened, his eyes disappearing into happy crescents. “Kind of. I’m Hyunwoo.” He said, extending a hand towards Jaebum.

“Jaebum.” He replied, feeling slightly more relaxed at Hyunwoo’s casual friendliness. There was something reassuring about the man, he seemed to radiate calmness. “I’m just…trying to get used to the island I guess.”

Hyunwoo nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but the voices within the tent turned to shrieks and both of them winced. Jaebum thought he might have a better idea of why Jinyoung had left.

Hyunwoo just looked exasperated. “I swear those kids are going to kill each other one of these days.”

Jaebum looked over at him. “I thought we couldn’t get hurt here?”

Hyunwoo nodded. “We can’t, but if anyone could manage it it would be those idiots.”

Jaebum smiled at the obvious fondness in Hyunwoo’s voice.

Hyunwoo turned to Jaebum. “The others can be a handful sometimes, but they’re a really caring bunch. You’re more than welcome to join us if you want to, the kids would welcome you without question.”

Jaebum softened at the boy’s words and he nodded. “I’ll think about it,” he said, even though he already decided to stay at the Campsite. It just felt rude to reject Hyunwoo after all that.

He suspected Hyunwoo knew that he was lying, but the man didn’t seem to mind. “Even if you don’t want to stay, you can always come and talk to me if you need someone.”

That was an offer Jaebum might actually use. There was something peaceful about Hyunwoo, like he could calm any storm without getting frazzled. “Thank you.”

The screams got louder from inside and Jaebum could pick out the names Kihyun and Minhyuk.

“I should go.” Hyunwoo said. “Again, let me know if you need anything.”

Jaebum nodded and waved as Hyunwoo ducked into the tent, smiling when he heard someone inside whine Hyunwoo’s name.

Jaebum made his way back to the clothing clearing once again, this time taking a path that only had one destination, the electronics clearing. He was surprised at how much stuff was there, given that he couldn’t really think of that many things that could be categorized as electronics.

He was wrong. Piles of remote controls—from a variety of different devices: television, gaming consoles to name a few—and cell phones sat next to a heap of headphones large enough that looked like it could fill a small swimming pool. Calculators were piled next to stacks of CDs, cassette tapes and even records, speakers on their other side. He saw piles of computer mice in between a heap of watches and alarm clocks and a tangled mess of wires, Jaebum getting closer to see that there was everything from power bars to internet cables tangled together. There were even larger appliances like lamps—some of them still with their shades—blenders and even some small televisions.

He wondered how much of this stuff worked, if Jackson’s theory that they couldn’t get hurt because they weren’t really here applied to any of this stuff too. If they worked in the real world, would they work here too? Sure the lamps wouldn’t work, but something that ran off batteries and held a charge, like the watches or the cell phones?

The curiosity got the better of him and he picked up a few phone to find out. All of the phones were dead, though he supposed that with the length of charge most batteries had these days, it was possible the phones were dead in the real world too. A few of the watches still worked though.

Once that was done he looked back into the bag for what was left. He’d been to all the clearings that had signs so whatever was left had to go in the junk clearing, right? That was how it worked? As the catch-all for the stuff that seemingly had no home anywhere else.

He made his way back to the junk clearing, smiling when his gaze landed on the stuffed Spiderman once more. It was only when he moved further into the clearing that he realized there was a sorting method to the madness beyond just keeping it to the perimeter. There were personal hygiene products like toothbrushes and deodorant in one section. Keys in another. Household stuff, like frying pans or brooms, in yet another.

But that was only some parts of it. There were others that made no sense at all and that called Jaebum over to come and sift through the stuff. He didn’t have anything better to do, so he gave into the impulse and began picking through the piles of stuff that had been dropped off by god only knew how many people.

It was fun. It was kind of like when he cleaned his room or helped clean the basement and came across all sorts of cool things that he forgot he owned. Except he’d never owned any of this stuff and some of the things he came across were fascinating and some were weird or hilarious and some were just downright _strange_ . He thought he could spend days going through the piles and he understood even more the appeal of walking the beach every day to see what else had washed up on shore. He also understood why Jackson hadn’t let him go through the stuff when they’d been here earlier. Because in between the keys and the candles was a life sized raptor statue and a samurai sword _._ There was a trombone, and what looked like an honest to god human skull. Jaebum didn't feel the need to look closer to find out of it was real or not.

It was kind of addicting, the desire to see what strange thing he’d come across next. It was like being in some weird interactive museum. While there were stuff that had clearly been lost recently, there were other things that were downright historical.  He wondered how long things had been washing up on this island.

He wasn’t sure how long he spent in that clearing, but he became aware of the time when he noticed the lengthening of the shadows around him. It was hard to tell from where it was, but Jaebum guessed that it was probably mid evening. He paused for a moment before setting down an intricately painted metal shield that he’d been studying. None of this stuff was going anywhere, probably, but he should probably figure out where he was sleeping for the night.

He made his way back to the textile clearing and headed towards the bedding pile. There weren’t any futons or sleeping bags so Jaebum grabbed some thick blankets that should be comfortable enough to sleep on, especially considering that the ground was fairly soft to begin with. He found a pillow that was a good mix of firm and soft before setting them on the ground and heading over to the clothing piles. He carefully picked through them until he found a few pairs of shorts and T-shirts in his size that he could wear. His gaze strayed to the pile of socks and shoes but Jaebum had always hated feet and the idea of wearing someone else’s socks and shoes was somewhat nauseating to him. He’d be fine barefoot.

He put all his findings into a neat stack and then wrapped his arms around it all, pressing it against his chest tightly to make sure nothing fell as he walked back to the Campsite.

His feet slowed when he got closer, laughter ringing through the trees. He tried to peek through them to see who all was talking, not wanting to just walk in on a bunch of strangers, but he could only make out the outline of people through the foliage. He heard Jinyoung’s voice though. And Jackson's. That was enough to get him to start walking once more.

Someone Jaebum didn’t recognize noticed him first, his expression curious as he smiled and waved. He looked _young_ , his cheeks still filled in with baby fat.

Jackson was sitting with his back to Jaebum and turned to see what the boy was waving at, his eyes and smile widening when he saw who it was. “You’re back!” He said, getting to his feet and moving to help Jaebum with the things in his arms.

“I told you he’d be back.” Jinyoung said, sending a smile toward Jaebum.

“Yeah, _hours_ ago.” Jackson returned before looking at Jaebum. “I was worried you’d be kidnapped by the monsters staying in the Circus.”

Jaebum grinned, amused by Jackson’s exaggeration. “I stopped by there. I met Hyunwoo. He seemed nice.”

Jinyoung nodded. “Hyunwoo is an angel. The others who stay there adore him too. He’s like their dad.”

The stranger that Jaebum didn’t recognize spoke up. “Sorry, who are you?” He asked hesitantly, looking confused by the fact that Jackson and Jinyoung seemingly already knew Jaebum.

“Oh, this is Jaebum. New guy, just washed up today.” Jackson explained to the boy. He turned to Jaebum after. “This is Yugyeom. He’s been here longer than any of us.”

“Ah,” Jaebum said, feeling a bit sad that someone as young as Yugyeom needed to escape to this island. “It’s nice to meet you.” He told the youngster.

Yugyeom sent him a shy smile. “You too hyung.”

Jackson turned to him, his smile happier than Jaebum had seen so far. It was contagious Jaebum realized as he felt his own lips curling in response. “So where do you want to sleep?” He asked.

Jaebum glanced around at the tents, trying to remember which ones Jackson said were empty. “Uh, that one?” He said, pointing his chin towards a blue on on the end to his left.

Jackson nodded and stepped forward, using the hand that wasn’t  holding Jaebum’s blankets to pull the zipper of the tent, opening it up. “Just a head up, Youngjae sleeps in the one next to you.” Jackson said as he dropped the bedding just inside the door.

Before Jaebum could asked why he needed a heads up about that, Yugyeom spoke. “He sings in his sleep.”

“He sings when he’s awake too.” Jinyoung added. “If you ever hear someone singing, it’s probably Youngjae.”

“He’s got a great voice though.” Jackson said, like he needed to defend the boy who wasn’t here to do it himself. “So it’s not like any of us mind. But it can be a little strange in the middle of the night.”

“Got it, thanks for letting me know.” Jaebum said, stepping around Jackson and stepping into the tent. It wasn’t tall enough for him to stand up in so he was hunched over a little as he put the clothes down at the back of the tent.

“Do you all know each other?” Yugyeom asked as Jaebum turned his attention to the bedding.

“Jaebum and I are neighbours actually.” Jinyoung said. “We used to be friends as kids.”

“Wait really?” Yugyeom said, sounding surprised. “You know each other in…the real world?”

“Yeah.” Jinyoung confirmed as Jaebum laid out his blankets.

“I didn’t know that was possible.” Yugyeom said thoughtfully.

“I only met him this morning.” Jackson said. “I found him on the beach probably not too long after he’d woken up here.”

Jaebum was glad Jackson didn’t mention how frantic and panicked he’d probably looked. God had he really thought he’d been kidnapped?

He stayed in the tent a few extra minutes as the other talked, getting everything set up the way he wanted before crawling out once more, leaving the door unzipped since he didn’t seem to have to worry about bugs crawling in.

He was just sitting down when another tent zipped open, drawing everyone’s attention as a stunning boy stepped out of the tall green tent.

“Mark-hyung,” Yugyeom said. “We have more company. This is Jaebum-hyung.”

Mark paused his eyes scanning over everyone until they settled on Jaebum, who waved awkwardly. “Hello.” The boy said simply, turning and zipping up his tent behind him.

“Hi,” Jaebum replied awkwardly.

Jackson, who was seated next to him, leaned close enough to whisper in a voice low enough that Mark wouldn’t be able to hear him, “he’s not being rude, he just doesn’t talk much. Especially around strangers.”

Jaebum sent Jackson a smile, appreciating how even now he was trying to comfort Jaebum. He was comforting in a different way than Hyunwoo, Jaebum realized. While Hyunwoo gave Jaebum a feeling of quiet, effortless comfort Jackson’s was vocal and active, like he was always looking for things he could do to help others feel comfortable.

Jaebum didn’t participate in the conversation much, just enjoying listening to Jackson, Jinyoung and Yugyeom talk with the occasional comment from Mark when he felt the need to join in. Jinyoung was the same as Jaebum remembered, same sense of humour, same mannerisms and unconscious gestures, like how he covered his mouth when he laughed.

Yugyeom seemed sweet. A little shy and perhaps a bit naive, but it was clear that he adored Jackson and that he looked up to Jinyoung, even though he was more than willing to tease both them whenever he could. The others didn’t mind, just sending the boy fond looks. Jaebum understood; Yugyeom was kind of adorable when he smiled and he suspected it was hard to stay mad at him for long, no matter what he’d done.

Mark was quiet but not detached from the conversations. He merely observed and followed along quietly, smiling or laughing when something amused him or actually speaking when he wanted to say something. When Jackson said that he didn’t talk much Jaebum had assumed that he was shy, but after a while he realized that that wasn’t the case. Mark just simply didn’t talk much. It wasn’t that he was reserved or scared to participate in the conversation, he simply just didn’t feel the need to.

Listening to them talk Jaebum learned that Yugyeom had been there for two weeks already, Mark for a bit less than that. He already knew that Jinyoung had been there for a week and Jackson just a few days. He noticed how close Jackson seemed to be with all of them despite only being there for a few days. Though given his experience being in Jackson’s presence he found himself not all that surprised. It was easy to get along with Jackson. His personality put people at ease.

Youngjae had come back not too long after Jaebum had and he seemed like a sweet kid. He had a wide, beaming smile and a booming laugh that made it hard to smile in response. He seemed genuine and kind from what Jaebum could see. He looked young as well and Jaebum once again felt a twinge of sadness that there was something in Youngjae's life that had caused him enough pain to end up here. Not that he wished pain on anyone on the island, whether he’d met them yet or not, but Youngjae and Yugyeom seemed so young and innocent and Jaebum felt an urge to protect them from whatever they were going through.

When it started to get dark enough that it was hard to see the faces of the boys on the other side of the ring of chairs Mark stood up and lit the fire, tossing in wood from a stack next to the fire pit before arranging them and lighting them with matches. It was nice, Jaebum realized. Cozy. His and his family had never really been ones for camping and Jaebum had never slept in a tent before in his life, but there was something about sitting around a campfire that made him feel relaxed. The warmth of the fire was comforting and the gentle light that lit up the immediate area was warm, the gently flickering light soothing.

It made him feel sleepy and Jaebum was the first to turn in, bidding everyone goodnight and slipping inside the tent, zipping it up after him. He stripped off the jeans and tucked himself under the covers, pleasantly surprised at how comfortable it was. He listened to the conversation of the others and let their soft voices lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......are you enjoying this fic? I was reading through it when I was trying to remember how I wrote these characters and...it frustrated me. I feel like this isn't good enough. I love the concept and my ideas are all there but... I feel like it's not good. Or that I could write it better. And I can't decide if I'm just stressed and tired and being hard on myself or if it's actually just not my best writing. I have a pieces of upcoming chapters written and I think those are good so maybe it's just the intro. I'm aware I'm too detail-oriented (read: neurotic) so maybe I'm just dragging the opening out too much...
> 
> Anyway, please continue to let me know what you think, as always, even if you don't like it. I genuinely want to improve so you can tell me if something isn't good and I won't be offended.
> 
> Also I changed the description for this fic if anyone noticed. It was cringey as fuck and made me want to delete the entire fic whenever I read it (thank you to those who gave it a chance despite the terrible summary. I still don't like what I have, but honestly all my summaries have sucked so what else is new. No one has volunteered to write better ones for me yet so you're stuck with them)
> 
> ps: PLEASE tell me someone got my 'monster' pun for the residents of the Circus. I (embarrassingly) love puns and thought that one was quite clever.
> 
> I'll try not to make you wait too long for the next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

He woke to the sound of a popular song playing on the radio and he sighed. He told himself it was in relief that it had only been a dream, but if he was honest with himself he knew it had been out of disappointment because as crazy as the whole thing was, Jaebum honestly could have used just one more day on that beach surrounded by things and people that were just as lost as he was. One more day where he didn't have to pretend to be okay.   

Then the music stopped and the singer yawned loudly before continuing from where he'd left off. Something that was definitely _not_ in the studio version of that song.

Jaebum opened his eyes and found himself staring at bright blue canvas, turned even more vibrant by the sun shining on the side of the tent. He exhaled as he closed his eyes once more and rolled onto his back. It was real. Or as real as an imaginary island could be.

He wondered if it was Youngjae singing as the voice drifted further away from the tents. The boy was talented, whoever it was.

Jaebum heard other footsteps and quiet voiced but decided he didn't care enough to get out of bed to find out who they belonged to. He rolled over and burrowed back into his pillow. He hadn’t slept in in ages and he was going to take full advantage of the chance to do so now.

≬

When he finally got out of bed and crawled out of the tent a few hours later, the campsite was empty of all the people who were supposed to be living there. Jaebum was glad for it, glad he didn’t have to make conversation with people he barely knew when he wasn’t fully awake yet.

He dropped onto the chair closest to his tent, a dingy white plastic patio chair, and tried to figure out what he wanted to do with himself. Dealing with his problems was not currently high on his to-do list so he went through his options for ways that he could avoid thinking about them.

He could go back and look through the junk piles some more. There were undoubtedly countless treasures that he hadn’t gotten to in the junk clearing yesterday, and he’d been curious about some of the toys he’d seen too. But that seemed like too much work, he thought as he smothered a yawn behind his hand.

He tilted his head back and enjoyed the warmth of the sun on his face. He thought that he could faintly hear the sound of the ocean if he listened carefully for it, but that might have been wishful thinking.

Perhaps he could just spend the day at the beach. Just relaxing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been to the beach. It had to have been at least a decade.

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps and Jaebum turned his head to see Jackson returning to the clearing, a smile stretching across his face when he noticed Jaebum. “You’re finally awake.”

Jaebum looked down, somewhat embarrassed when he realized that it might have been later than he thought it was. “I was tired. I don’t get much sleep back home.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Jackson. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. There is nothing wrong with sleeping. Sleep is how some of us deal with stress.” He said, his eyes flicking briefly to the still zipped up tent that Mark had emerged from the night before.

Now Jaebum felt bad for making Jackson feel bad. He was going to say something about how he had been embarrassed because his parents considered sleeping in on weekends a waste of time that could be better spent on studying or working when he noticed something in Jackson’s hand and decided to change the subject altogether. “What’s that?” He asked, nodding towards Jackson’s hand.

Jackson looked down, like he’d forgotten he was holding something. “Oh,” he said, passing the object to Jaebum. “Something I pulled out of the sea this morning.”

It was a knitted ladybug keychain, still a little bit damp from the ocean. It was cute, but didn’t seem to be remarkable in any way Jaebum could see. “Do you like ladybugs?” Jaebum asked, wondering why Jackson would bring it back with him.

Jackson laughed and shook his head as he sat on the fabric camping chair next to him. “No, though I do have a weakness for cute things. The keychain…” He paused and his brows furrowed slightly. “I feel bad sometimes for the things that get lost.” He said.

Jaebum was immediately reminded of the flood of emotions he’d experienced the day before looking at the photos.  

“I mean, I _know_ it’s stupid because they’re just objects but…that ladybug looks handmade.”

Jaebum looked back down and studied the keychain, noticing what Jackson meant. It wasn’t perfect. One of the eyes was a little further from center than the other. There was a stitch or two that was slightly bigger than the others. Tiny details he wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t looking for them. Things that would be unlikely if the keychain had been mass produced but made sense if it was handmade.

“Someone put their time and energy into making that. I’d like to think that it wasn’t lost on purpose and sometimes I feel bad just throwing the things into a big pile to get lost into once again. That might mean something to someone.” He finished in a small voice, frowning at the keychain. He looked up at Jaebum. “That probably makes me an idiot, doesn’t it?” He asked with a self-deprecating smile.

Jaebum shook his head. “It doesn’t.” He said honestly even though he'd thought himself a bit ridiculous the day before. But Jackson doing the same thing made him wonder why it was stupid. Why was it stupid to find significance in things that were important to other people? Why did it make them idiots for feeling sad that things that brought people joy were buried under a mountain of other items as if they were nothing more than garbage?

“Do you often collect things like this?” Jaebum asked, feeling like maybe he understood the kind of person Jackson was a little better than he had a few minutes ago.

Jackson shrugged and took the ladybug when Jaebum handed it back. “If I pick them up from the beach, then yeah. I haven’t gone digging through the piles or anything. But if I’m the one to personally pick it up I feel like I need to take care of it.”

“Do I count as something you picked up off the beach that you need to take care of?” Jaebum asked in amusement as he tried to lighten the mood a little. He didn’t like seeing the deep frown on Jackson’s face as he studied the keychain. It didn’t suit him half as well as his smile did.

Jackson laughed loudly, the sound warming Jaebum in a way that was remarkably similar to the way the sun did. Jackson shook his head. “Of course not!” He looked back at Jaebum. “Though the offer to help you if you need anything still stands.”

Jaebum’s smile felt more natural that it had in ages. “Mine too.”

Jackson returned the smile before standing and attaching the ladybug to the zipper of his tent, a small black one that was next to Mark’s.

“So what do people do to pass the time around here?” Jaebum asked. “Assuming that they’d rather completely avoid their reason for being here.”

Jackson sent him a knowing look. “Depends on what you’re interested in. There is certainly no shortage of games or books to entertain you. You could always go swimming. Or you could walk around and pick up more of the things that have washed up. There are people around you could talk to. Everyone I’ve met so far has been super nice.”

Jaebum had a feeling that had more to do with Jackson’s personality than those of the others on the island. He seemed like a hard person to dislike and had a friendliness that made you want to respond in kind.

“I was thinking of just sitting on the beach.” Jaebum said. “I haven’t been to a beach in so long.”

Jackson nodded and smiled. “Then do that. It’s really nice. Relaxing. We have some towels in one of the empty tents you can take with you if you don’t want to sit on the sand.” He said, pointing to the tiny green tent at the other end of the campsite.

Jaebum got to his feet. “I’ll do that then. Thanks.”

The tent was small and Jaebum realized that his initial thought that it was a children’s tent was probably accurate. He wasn’t the tallest person by any means but he wouldn’t even come close to fitting. Maybe it wasn’t even a real tent, but a play space meant to be used indoors. The residents of the Campsite had filled it with towels, spare blankets and pillows and some entertainment items that they all probably used, like a volleyball.

He found a towel the size of a throw blanket and took it, backing out of the tent and zipping it closed behind him.

When he turned back to the circle of tents, Jackson was no longer in sight. Jaebum assumed he’d gone inside his own tent.

Taking the towel Jaebum paused, not entirely sure how to get back to the beach. Obviously he was surrounded by beach, but was there a pathway to get there or was he supposed to just walk through the bushes like he and Jackson had done the day before?

He decided to just say screw it and started walking through, ending up on the beach faster that he remembered. It was every bit as beautiful as it was yesterday, all soft white sand and clear turquoise waters. Jaebum found himself wished he’d grabbed some sunglasses or a hat the day before.

He spread out the towel and lay down on top of it, enjoying the feeling of the sun seeping into his skin. He wondered absently if they were immune to sun burns the way they were apparently immune to other injuries.

He quickly learned that he quite liked the beach, liked the warmth of the sun on his face and the softness of the sand under his feet where his toes hung off the edge of the towel. He liked that it was place where thoughts could wander but not consume; whenever he was spiraling in a direction he didn't want to go in a particularly large wave would eventually crash against the shore, the sound pulling him out of his own head just enough to change to a safer train of thought.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there when a shadow fell over him. He opened his eyes to see Jackson stepping onto the towel. “Sorry for bothering you.” Jackson said apologetically as he sat down, crossing his legs underneath him.

Jaebum shook his head and sat up. “You’re not. What’s up?”

Jackson handed him a notebook. It was wirebound with a black cardboard cover and couldn’t have had more than a hundred pages in it based on the thickness. “What’s this?” He asked.

“That is the manual for the island.” Jackson answered. “It’s where I learned what I know about this place. I thought you might want to read it.”

Jaebum looked down at the unassuming notebook in his hands. “Huh. I thought it would look more impressive.”

Jackson laughed. “There are a bunch of different copies around the island. Every living area has one or two.”

“Why so many?” Jaebum asked.

“In case one of the notebooks get found.”

That made sense. He momentarily wondered if the words that were written on the pages would disappear when the book was found.

Jaebum opened the book and skimmed through the text that was carefully written inside.

 

  * ****The island seems to be for men only. No one has ever seen a girl and the clothing that washes up is all menswear.****



 

Huh. Jaebum hadn’t noticed that yesterday, but he didn’t see any dresses or heels or anything that was obviously for women when he was going through the clothes.

 

  * ****Only teenagers end up here. The youngest person so far has been thirteen and the oldest nineteen.****


  * **There seems to be a time limit on how long you can stay here. Four weeks appears to be the limit before you are sent home again.**



 

A month. Jaebum had about a month at most to sort himself out before going home again. In some ways that felt like forever but Jaebum also felt like it wasn’t going to be long enough. How long was enough to make the choice between one’s parents and one’s dreams?

  * **It is possible to come to the island multiple times.**  



There was a new handwriting crammed into the space above this point that said **the current record is eleven times** **.**

“Eleven times.” He murmured. Jaebum hurt for the poor soul who had needed to escape to this place so many times.

“I know.” Jackson answered, even though Jaebum really hadn’t been talking to him. He looked over at Jackson and could see the pained expression that he wore. Despite having been here twice himself, Jackson still felt sorrow for whoever it was. He clearly had struggles in his own life, but Jackson still had compassion for those who were worse off than he was.

“Do you think there’s another island?” Jaebum asked. “Like, for adults or something?”

Jackson looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think I want to find out.”

Oh. Right.

“Me neither,” he agreed, turning back to the notebook in his hands.

  * **Pretty sure there is some kind of rule for how long you have to live in the real world before you’re allowed back but it’s too hard to keep track of. When you wake up the memory of the island fades and it feels like a really weird dream. It works though. You do feel better.**



Again a new handwriting added, **maybe not better, but more hopeful?**

Honestly that was all Jaebum wanted. To feel like he had something to look forward to again.

He turned to Jackson again. “This place does work, right?” He asked, needing more confirmation than words a stranger wrote on the page in front of him.

Jackson smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it does.” He paused. “It’s kind of hard to explain though. The memory of this place fades kind of fast—but I suppose that might be different from person to person—but you do feel better. Stronger in a way? If that makes any sense.”

Jaebum supposed it made about as much sense as anything else on the island.

The rest of the text, which only filled about a page, just detailed things that Jackson had already told him, like how they couldn’t get hurt or how they didn’t need to eat but where they could find things to try if they wanted to. It didn’t take him long to finish reading it.

Jaebum closed the notebook and was about to pass the notebook back when Jackson gasped and got to his feet, running into the ocean where Jaebum saw a _person_ floating on the waves. Dropping the notebook Jaebum hurried into the water as well, helping drag the small boy out of the water and onto the sand. He looked even younger than Yugyeom, Jaebum having a hard time believing this kid was even thirteen and felt a wave of anger. Why were all these _kids_ here? What kind of world did they live in where people so young had such great burdens that they ended up here?

Jackson crouched next to the boy and shook him gently, smiling when his eyes opened and he squinted into the sun, Jaebum quickly moving so his shadow blocked the sun for the boy to adjust better.

He said something in a language Jaebum didn’t recognize and Jaebum frowned. He thought everyone here spoke Korean? It was the in the manual he’d just finished reading.

“Do you speak Korean?” Jackson asked kindly.

“Oh...yeah.” The boy said, sitting up. “Where am I?” He asked in accented Korean.

Jaebum smiled and let Jackson take over the conversation, knowing he’d do a far greater job of explaining this place than he would.

“What’s your name?” Jaebum asked once the boy seemed to understand what Jackson was saying. He’d taken it much better and accepted it much faster than Jaebum had.

“Bambam.” The boy replied, getting to his feet and looking around the beach. He was quiet for a moment before a smile split his face and he turned back to Jaebum and Jackson. “This place is _awesome_.”

Jaebum laughed at the kid’s enthusiasm. At least someone was happy to be here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, I'm back. I'm sorry for the wait, but Bambam is there! Finally all the boys are together.
> 
> Thank you all for the kind words of support you left on the previous chapter. I'm still not 100% happy with the way this fic is turning out, but I don't want to abandon it and start it over anymore. I promise I'll continue to try my best to make this worth reading.
> 
> ps: dreams_about_sky, I hope you find the ladybug toy your mom made for you. Jackson will take care of it in the meantime. (Also I in no way mean to imply that your mom didn't make it perfectly, but I needed the small imperfections for plot purposes!)


	6. Chapter 6

Jaebum was surprised at how quickly he fell into a routine on the island. Whenever he’d wake up he and Jackson would walk along the beach, talking and collecting whatever items had been lost. He learned a lot about Jackson in that time, the first thing being that when Jackson wasn’t holding himself back he could be quite talkative. Jaebum learned that Jackson wasn’t from Korea, but Hong Kong. That he was a fencer but that he was also interested in music. That he loved puppies and green tea and treasured his family above everything else.

He learned that Jackson had ended up on the island previously when when he’d first moved to Korea when he was fifteen. He’d struggled with the language and the culture and and ended up on Lost. He didn’t remember how long he was there for, he’d forgotten about island altogether until he’d woken up along the beaches for the second time.

Jaebum found himself sharing things about himself too. Jackson was easy to talk to. He was great at filling a silence but seemed to be equally good at listening. Even more important, he seemed to have excellent intuition for which one Jaebum was in the mood for. Jaebum told Jackson about his own passion for music, how he was graduating soon and would be going to business school in the fall, about how he used to dance when he was younger but eventually stopped because he wanted to pursue music instead. Jackson never asked why he'd decided to study business instead.

After their morning walk, Jaebum would take some time for himself, sometimes reading with Jinyoung, sometimes going through the stuff, sometimes just sitting on the beach and thinking. Lyrics kept coming to him in those moments and he’d sometimes write them down in a notebook he’d picked up but a part of him wondered if there was a point in composing. It didn’t seem likely he’d remember any of them when he went home.

The rest of the day was spent with the other inhabitants of the Campsite. They were a strange group, the seven of them. All of them being different ages, coming from such different places and having such different personalities but somehow it didn’t feel awkward with all of them together. They seemed to fit together nicely, each of them bringing something unique to the group and all of them balancing out something that another person might be lacking. They were so different from Jaebum’s friend group back home but sometimes Jaebum found himself feeling more at ease with this group than the friends he'd known for years.

Bambam had immediately bonded with Yugyeom, Jaebum thought perhaps because they were the same age. The two together were absolute chaos but they seemed so happy that Jaebum rarely had the heart to tell them to knock it off unless he could see they were causing harm. Mark in particular seemed to be sensitive to their teasing and for some reason they listened when Jaebum told them to stop. They somehow managed to rope all the older members into doing absurd things that Jaebum was fairly certain that they'd never do on their own but Jaebum found that he enjoyed himself in those moments more than he had in ages. It had been so long since he'd done something that wasn't studying or worrying that it almost forgot what having fun felt like. For the reminder alone he'd always be grateful.

A week after Jaebum arrived on the island they were playing volleyball. There was an empty clearing just beside the Campsite that they all assumed used to be filled with something that people no longer used. They had made a net by tying a rope between two trees on opposite sides of the clearing and hung a bedsheet over it. To make the teams even, Mark had chosen not to play and was sitting under a tree scorekeeping while Jaebum, Jinyoung and Jackson faced off against the maknaes. Their team was currently winning, but it was mostly because of Jackson. Jaebum and Jinyoung weren’t terrible, but Jackson had incredible reflexes and made up for both of their mediocrity. The maknaes didn’t seem to mind too much that they were losing, none of them would have been keeping score anyway if Mark didn’t volunteer to do it for them. 

Bambam was the one who broke first, though Jaebum suspected it had more to do with the insane dive that Jackson had managed to pull off more than the fact that they were losing. “Okay, I quit.” He said, disappearing from view as he collapsed onto the ground.

“Jackson-hyung, why are you so good at everything?” Yugyeom whined as he leaned gently on the makeshift net.

They all chuckled because Jackson was seemingly without fault. No matter what activity they’d come up with to do, Jackson seemed to be good at it. Part of it seemed to come from his competitive nature and his drive to win, but Jaebum suspected Jackson was just one of those people who picked up new things easily. He focused and paid attention and learned.

“He always loses at rock-paper-scissors.” Jinyoung said, making everyone chuckle once more.

“Let’s play again and I’ll keep score.” Jackson suggested, looking over at Mark who nodded in agreement.

The teams were more evenly matched this time but none of them had any idea what the score was since Jackson didn’t seem to be paying much attention. Jaebum wondered if anyone else noticed that Jackson’s smile became a little smaller every time it appeared. If they noticed that it died a little bit faster each time. He thought they did because they seemed to move a little closer to him as the evening went on, squeezing his shoulder or giving him small hugs as they passed him. When it got too dark to see they made their way back to the campfire. Yugyeom even sat on the smallest beanbag chair, his long legs stuffed awkwardly underneath him so that he could sit next to Jackson and rest his head on the older boy’s thigh. 

Jackson ran his fingers through the youngest’s hair for a few moments before pulling a blanket over his shoulders and falling silent.

Jaebum didn’t know what to do. There was very clearly something that had upset Jackson, but he didn’t know what it was. He found himself wishing that he possessed the same ability that Jackson did, the one that made everyone feel at ease simply by being there. 

But he didn’t, so he watched instead. He watched Jackson and tried to figure what made his expressions fall, what made the lost look in his eyes take over. He watched as Jackson faked smiles when the younger kids were looking at him, answering their questions with an attempt at his usual humour that Jaebum personally found a bit painful to watch.

Bambam was the only one of them brave enough to actually ask what was wrong, but Jackson had sent him a fake smile and said that he didn’t know what Bambam was talking about, that he was fine. Yugyeom tried to get Jackson to sleep in his tent for the night, saying that he wanted a cuddle buddy but Jackson apologized and said that he wasn’t in the mood for a cuddle.

Jinyoung sent Jackson a worried look before turning to Jaebum and nodding his head in Jackson’s direction. Like he was telling Jaebum to talk to Jackson.

Jaebum tried to silently convey that he had no idea how to help Jackson but Jinyoung just looked at him like he was an idiot and jerked his head toward Jackson once more before getting to his feet. “I’m tired. I’ll see you both in the morning.” He said.

Jackson looked up and gave Jinyoung a shadow of a smile. “Goodnight.” He said, letting Jinyoung run his fingers through his hair as Jinyoung passed behind his chair. 

Bambam looked at Jaebum and made a series of complex facial expressions and hand gestures, none of which Jaebum understood, before pointing at Jackson. “I’m going to bed too. Night hyung, night Jack.” He said.

The smile Jackson sent him was closer to his real smile than Jaebum had seen in a while, but it came nowhere close to reaching his eyes. “Night Bammie.”

Jaebum waited until Bambam’s tent was zipped and the rustling of the other boys settling into sleep stopped before he looked back at Jackson. He was completely wrapped in his blanket now, having pulled it up over his head. His eyes were on the dying fire in front of him. 

Jaebum didn’t know what to do or say, but he  _ couldn’t _ just leave the boy sitting there by himself when he looked so sad.  “Jackson?” He asked quietly, more afraid of spooking Jackson than waking the boys sleeping around them.

Jackson’s eyes moved slowly to meet Jaebum’s but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to though; Jaebum felt the sorrow in his eyes like a punch to the stomach. Jackson didn’t try to hide it behind fake smiles when he looked at Jaebum.

Jaebum was on his feet before he realized it, moving closer to Jackson in his desperation to get that look out of the other boy’s eyes. He sat in the chair next to him, Jackson following the move with his eyes.

Jaebum looked at him and opened his mouth, but hesitated with what he actually wanted to say. His first instinct was to ask what was wrong, but Jackson had been denying all night that anything even was  _ was _ wrong. It was a lie and everyone knew it; the only reason they were on that island together was because something was wrong. But if Jackson didn’t want to talk about it, Jaebum didn’t want to make him feel like he had to. Jaebum wanted to help, but he was also aware that it really wasn’t any of his business. 

“What did we say to upset you?” He asked quietly after a moment. If Jackson wasn’t going to talk about it, Jaebum wasn’t going to force him, but he wanted to know what he could to do to lessen Jackson’s pain. They had said something earlier that reminded Jackson of the reason he was here and Jaebum didn't want to do it again.

Jackson glanced away for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “It doesn’t matter.” He said, his voice quiet and somehow deeper. “I don’t want you to worry that you have to watch what you say around me.”

“Jackson you’re hurting and I’m pretty sure it was something we said when we were playing volleyball.” Jaebum said. “None of us want to hurt you.”

Jackson looked a bit surprised. Jaebum wasn’t sure why, but ultimately it didn’t matter. “I’m fine hyung. You can go to bed.” He said eventually.

Jackson was trying to get rid of him. That was obvious but Jaebum couldn’t figure out why. If it was because Jackson simply wanted to be alone or if it was because he didn’t want to be a burden to Jaebum.

“I think I’ll go sit on the beach.” Jaebum said quietly instead, getting to his feet.

He took a step but paused, turning back to Jackson. “I know that you think you need to be happy all the time for us, to make us laugh or smile to help us feel better and take our minds off of our reasons for being here. I’ve always appreciated that about you, since the moment we first met on the beach. But…not at your expense. Don’t feel like you need to make us feel better if the cost is making yourself feel worse. We want to help you just as much as you want to help us. Probably more actually since you give so much of yourself. If you want to be alone, if that is what you need, then that’s fine. But if you think that you’re burdening me with your problems, you’re not. I can’t speak for everyone given that I don’t know them very well but from what I’ve seen all of us want to help you if you need it.  _ I  _ want to help you. If you want company I’ll be on the beach. We don’t need to talk, we don’t ever need to talk about it if you don’t want to, but you don’t have to be alone either.”

Jackson didn’t say anything, didn’t turn to look at him either, but Jaebum knew he’d been listening. He waited a second longer, just in case, but then made his way down towards the spot on the beach he seemed to have claimed as his own. He pulled the towel out of the bushes and gave it a quick shake before spreading it out over the sand and climbing on, stretching his legs out in front of him.

It wasn’t fair, he thought. Sure his own situation wasn’t the greatest and he knew the world was a shitty place, but it wasn’t fair that people like those six needed to come here. They were  _ good _ people. People who were kind and cared about others. People who were talented and brilliant in so many ways. The world should be kind to them, not beat them around so viciously that they needed to escape.

He was so deep in thought he almost missed the gentle rustling of the leaves behind him. He turned to see Jackson freeze at the treeline, looking at Jaebum cautiously. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Jackson whispered, Jaebum barely hearing him over the sound of the waves. “Not right now.”

Jaebum just nodded and patted the spot next to him on the towel.

Jackson ignored him and sat behind him instead, stretching his legs out on either side of Jaebum, his forehead falling on Jaebum’s back after a brief moment of what Jaebum assumed was hesitation. 

Jackson was a tactile person. He liked to give and receive affection through touch and while Jaebum didn’t, he didn’t mind it when it was Jackson, especially not when he knew Jackson needed it. So he reached back and grabbed Jackson’s hands, pulling gently to let Jackson know he could move closer if he wanted to.

Jackson paused for a second before locking his arms around Jaebum’s waist and moving closer so he was flush against Jaebum’s back.

Jaebum’s heart clenched painfully when Jackson gasped in a near-silent sob before pressing his face against Jaebum’s back to muffle the sound. Jaebum covered Jackson’s hands with one of his own but said nothing, letting Jackson take whatever comfort he needed. Letting Jackson cling to him like Jaebum was the only thing keeping him from floating away in the waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are only like 10 of you still reading this, but thank you to those who still come back for new chapters.
> 
> I'll try to get the next chapter posted next weekend because I don't want to leave you with sad Jackson for too long.
> 
> Again, thank you to those who are still reading and enjoying this ❤


	7. Chapter 7

Jaebum wasn’t sure how long they sat on the beach. He was certain that had they not been on the island it would have been long enough for his legs and butt to go numb. But since they _were_ on the island Jaebum had no complaints about sitting there with Jackson wrapped around him as he watched the waves roll in and the moon crawl across the sky. 

Jackson’s grip had loosened some time ago and Jaebum wondered if Jackson had fallen asleep against him, but he didn’t bother to turn around to find out. Jaebum had no problem with comforting Jackson in his sleep either.

“Jaebum-hyung?” Jackson asked out of nowhere, his chest vibrating against Jaebum’s back. The sound might have startled him if he wasn't half-dozing himself.

“Yeah?” Jaebum replied without turning around.

“Thank you.” Jackson said softly.

Jaebum smiled. He hadn’t done anything, but if his presence made Jackson feel better then that was enough. “Do you want to talk about it now?” Jaebum asked quietly.

Jackson said nothing and Jaebum didn’t ask again, just remaining where he was and offering Jackson whatever comfort he could.

“It’s so stupid.” Jackson said out of nowhere a few moments later, his voice frustrated. He shifted against Jaebum, moving his hands from Jaebum’s waist onto his own thighs where they were stretched out along Jaebum's. He left his forehead against Jaebum’s back. 

“Jackson, nothing that hurts you is stupid, no matter how insignificant it might seem.” Jaebum said.  

“I hate that it bothers me so much.” Jackson corrected.

Ah. Jaebum was familiar with that feeling. “Still doesn’t make it stupid.” 

Jackson laughed; it was small and weak but it was genuine and a very welcome sound. He was quiet for a few more moments before saying, “it was what Yugyeom said.”

Jaebum tried to remember what Yugyeom might have said that could have upset Jackson. Yugyeom was fond of teasing all of them but, aside from being occasionally annoying, his words were generally harmless. “What did he say?”

“He asked why I was good at everything.”

“Oh,” Jaebum replied, remembering the conversation now. He hadn’t thought anything of the comment really. From what he could recall Yugyeom had said it more out of admiration than offence.

“And I know that Yugyeom didn’t mean it as a genuine question, that he wasn’t really upset about it but… I’ve heard that phrase before.”

And Jaebum assumed that when Jackson had heard it before it wasn’t used as a compliment.

“I just… I want to do things well. Call me a perfectionist or say it’s an obsession or just an all-round personality flaw but I don’t see the point in doing things half-assed. If it’s something I have to do or that I’m interested in then I’m going to take the time and do it properly.” Jackson said. “But then I get called a show off.  Or a suck up who tries too hard to impress people. Like the  _ hours _ I spent learning and working on those projects were a waste of my time.”

Jaebum noticed then that Jackson’s hands were clenched into fists tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. Jaebum carefully picked them up and pried them open, glad Jackson wouldn’t feel the pain from the small indents Jackson’s nails left in his palms. 

“Or sometimes they just say that it’s shit. No matter what I do or how hard I try it’s never enough. People still say it’s crap and that I never should have done it, or that groups I’m in would have been better without me in it. No matter what I do it's somehow too good and not good enough all at the same time.”

Jaebum opened his mouth to say something but Jackson continued before he could speak.

“And I know what you’re going to say. ‘They’re just jealous,’ or ‘they hate me because they don’t understand’ but all of that is just a bunch of bullshit.” Jackson said harshly, his hands tightening around Jaebum’s the more worked up he got. Jaebum brushed his thumbed back and forth in what he hoped was a soothing manner across the back of Jackson's hand, Jackson loosening his grip in response but his voice was still tight and angry. “It’s not my fault they choose to do nothing with their lives! I’m in no way more gifted at anything than they are. Why am I hated because I’m willing to work hard for what I want?”

“Jackson,” Jaebum says in a pained voice. He doesn’t know what to say and he desperately wished that he did. That there was something he could say that would make Jackson feel better. That would make his pain go away.

Jackson sighed and leaned more of his weight against Jaebum, like all the fight just suddenly went out of him. “The thing that really frustrates me is that even though I try to ignore it, it’s like they come to see what I’m doing just for the purposes of hating on it. I don’t care that not everyone likes me, that’s just life. But why seek me out if you already know that you don’t like me, just for the purposes of shitting on me? I’m not asking everyone to like me but is it really too much to ask people to not go out of their way to let me know how much they _don’t_ like me?”

Jaebum had never felt more helpless in his whole life. He used to consider himself good with words, able to translate complex emotions into meaningful lyrics but at that precise moment in time he was coming up with _nothing_. 

He was angry. Angry with the people who had treated Jackson like that. Sure, Jackson could be an incredibly outgoing person, sometimes taking things too far, and sure, Jaebum had lost tons of games they'd played because of Jackson and losing was never fun, but those weren't enough to cancel out the other parts of Jackson’s personality that made him one of the kindest people that Jaebum had ever met. 

“I… I don’t know what to say.” He admitted. “I wish I knew the right words to comfort you, to give you advice and help you figure out how to handle everything...but I don’t.” He floundered for the right words to say. “I can’t do anything about it. But I want you to know that I’m grateful to have met you. Even if it is on this imaginary island and even if that means that you had to go through all that and I had to go through my own shit to get here, you’ve helped me a lot since I’ve been here. I feel better simply because you're here with me. And it’s not even just me. You help _everyone_ here in so many different ways that it infuriates me to hear that there are people out there who don’t appreciate you.” Jaebum frowned. “I wish there was something more I could do to help.”

Jackson was quiet for a few minutes before wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s waist again in a hug, shifting so that his cheek was pressed against Jaebum's back instead of just his forehead. “You did help. You let me cling to you like a koala. You let me cry and vent about it. You didn’t leave me alone even though I asked you to.” He said in a small voice. “Honestly, I wasn’t really looking for advice. I know that there really isn’t much that can be done. I just… I need some space from it all for a little while. I only have a year of school left anyway and then I’ll move onto a different school which will hopefully contain fewer assholes. I’m not going to change.” He said, his voice firm. “I’m not going to let them stop me or change how I do things. Despite what they think, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.”

Jaebum sat there in awe of the person behind him. “You’re amazing.” He said honestly. How Jackson could keep doing his own thing despite everyone around him apparently feeling the need to constantly share their opinions about it was a mystery to Jaebum. “I wish I had a fraction of your determination.” 

Jackson chuckled, “trust me; I’m not that amazing.” He gave Jaebum a final squeeze before getting to his feet. “I’m tired. All that crying wore me out.”

Jaebum got to his feet too, studying Jackson as well as he could in the moonlight. “You’re okay now though?”

Jackson nodded. “I am. Thanks again for listening.”

Jaebum put a hand on Jackson’s shoulder, squeezing as he gently pushed him towards the trees and back to camp. “I told you, if there is anything I can do, just ask.”

Jackson sent him a grateful smile and they made their way back to camp in silence, both too busy trying to make their way through the dark as the trees above blocked most of the moonlight from the path in front of them.

Jackson slowed when they entered the circle of tents. “Do you think they’ll be mad tomorrow?” He asked.

“Mad about what?” Jaebum asked, fingers pausing on the zipper of his tent.

“That I didn’t want to talk to them last night.”

Jaebum shook his head. “No one was mad at you. They were just worried. As long as you’re feeling better, none of them are going to be upset. They only wanted to help.”

Jackson nodded and then sent Jaebum a smile. “Goodnight hyung.”

“Goodnight Jackson.”

≬

The next morning Jackson wasn’t awake to go on their usual walk around the island and Jaebum had no plans to wake him up. He was heading out to go on his own when Jinyoung surprised him by saying he wanted to come too.

“How is he?” Jinyoung asked the moment they were on the beach. All the others he’d seen that morning had asked him the same thing, all of them somehow confident that Jaebum had been able to help Jackson. 

“I’m not really sure.” Jaebum told Jinyoung honestly. “I know why he’s here though. He talked about it a bit last night. I honestly wasn’t very helpful with anything but he seemed better by the time we went to bed. I think he just needed to talk about it.”

Jinyoung looked oddly satisfied. “I knew he’d talk to you.”

“Why did you think that?” Jaebum asked. He knew Jinyoung wanted him to talk to Jackson the night before and while Jaebum felt he was close with Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom were definitely closer. Jackson treated them like his children.

“You’re older than he is,” Jinyoung replied. “I think that Jackson feels like he needs to be strong for the younger boys. That he needs to be okay so that the kids can go to him if they need him. As much as he likes them I don’t think that he’d ever drop his guard completely with them, not the way he might with you or Mark.”

That… That made a lot of sense actually. Jaebum himself felt something similar, a sort of protectiveness over the younger members of the campsite. He wasn’t sure if he’d go so far as to deny something was wrong, but he certainly understood not wanting to burden them with any more worry than they were already carrying.

He wasn’t so sure about Jackson dropping his guard completely though considering he’d spent the entire conversation hidden behind Jaebum’s back. But he’d sought Jaebum out. And he’d shared his reason for being here. That had to count for something, right?

“Will he be okay?” Jinyoung asked.

Jaebum thought back to the conversation he’d had with Jackson the night before. How the people who went to Jackson’s school clearly didn’t understand him and said all kinds of horrible things to him. But he also remembered the determination in Jackson’s voice, his resolution to not change himself because of it. He had a feeling that the inner strength of Jackson Wang wasn’t something that could be easily broken.

“Yeah,” Jaebum replied. “I think he will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that I'd try to update this sooner but honestly I've had a pretty shitty two weeks and writing this fic isn't quite the same escape that my other fics have been for me. So sorry this is late (and potentially crap).
> 
> I kind of based character-Jackson's reason for being on the island on real-life-Jackson. I've been in the got7 fandom for about three years now and I've never been able to figure out why the group as a whole gets the amount of hate thrown at them that they do or why there is so much more thrown particularly at Jackson (and Bambam). 
> 
> Anyway, I love all of them and character-Jackson is no longer sad. 
> 
> Out of curiosity, did you want to know why all seven of them are on the island? Because I'd only really planned to go into detail for four out of the seven before Jaebum leaves. I feel like this fic would drag out too much if I did all seven (and god knows I've made this fic drag enough already) Let me know!
> 
> All comments and kudos are very much appreciated. Thank you to those who are still following this ❤


	8. Chapter 8

When Jackson finally woke up Jaebum decided to stay close to him, partly because he felt guilty for not being of any help the night before and partly because he just wanted to make sure he was really okay. The others all seemed to have the same idea and even though Jackson was acting like his normal self, all the members of the campsite seemed to unanimously decide that it was pamper Jackson day.

At first Jackson seemed someone bemused by all the attention they were giving him, clearly knowing why, but by the end of the day he was soaking it all in and seemed happier than Jaebum had ever seen him, his smile brighter than the sun above them as they all fooled around in the water.

Satisfied that they didn't have to worry anymore, everyone was back to their normal routine by the next day. Jackson was awake and waiting for Jaebum to take their usual morning walk along the shore, collecting the newly lost items.  At the end of their walk Jackson volunteered to be the one to put the objects in their proper clearing but before Jaebum could continue meandering along the beach, Jackson grabbed his wrist. “Thanks for yesterday, hyung”

Jaebum turned to face him. “I didn’t do anything.” He said honestly.

“You did though. You made me feel important. You all did. I mean you barely even know me but you all spent your entire day just making sure that I was alright.”

Jaebum refrained from pointing out that they were all stranded on an imaginary island and they literally had nothing better to do. “You _are_ important.” He said instead. “You’re our friend and you matter to us. It wasn’t like it was a hardship for all to spend the day with you. We enjoyed ourselves too, even more so seeing that you were back to your usual self.” Jackson looked like he was going to say something else and Jaebum, having an idea what it was, cut him off. “You don’t have to thank me, or any of us really. You’d do the same for us.”

Jackson smiled and nodded. “Then I won’t thank you again.”

“Good.” Jaebum replied.

Jackson chuckled before waving and heading back into the jungle towards the pathways and leaving Jaebum to continue his walk along the beach.

Jaebum did almost another lap around the island before he’d decided he’d have enough and started making his way inward, pretty sure he was somewhere in the vicinity of the Campsite.

His eyes caught movement through the trees and, curious, Jaebum walked towards it. 

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Yugyeom dancing his way through the unused clearing next to their tents. 

The boy was incredible, Jaebum realized as he watched hidden within the trees. Yugyeom had never once mentioned that he could dance, or given any indication that he even liked dancing, but it was clear by the way he moved that he was no stranger to it. 

Jaebum frowned though when he caught the look on Yugyeom’s face. He looked almost…frustrated as he moved faster, his movements becoming sharper and more aggressive but no less fluid or graceful.

Jaebum was aware that he probably shouldn’t be standing there. He had a feeling Yugyeom had sought out the empty clearing for some privacy, but he couldn’t look away. He watched until Yugyeom just stopped moving, the boy falling to the ground, dropping his arms to his lap and his chin dropping against his chest.

“Wow,” Jaebum breathed before he could stop himself.

Yugyeom’s head snapped in his direction, the angry expression on his face dissolving into shock. “Hyung.”

“You’re an incredible dancer.” Jaebum said honestly. He had liked to dance when he was younger but he’d never even come close to being as talented as Yugyeom was.

Yugyeom just blinked at him and at first Jaebum thought it was just in surprise, because he was shy or because he didn’t know what to say. But then he began blinking faster and his face began to collapse and Jaebum realized he was trying not to cry.

“Yugyeom?” Jaebum asked, hurrying closer and crouching as he panicked. Why would the boy be crying?

“Hyung.” Yugyeom whimpered, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Jaebum in a near-painful hug that pulled him to the ground, Yugyeom’s hands fisted tightly in the back of Jaebum’s T-shirt.

Jaebum was at an utter loss for words. He’d always considered himself pretty awful at comforting people who were crying and couldn’t believe he’d somehow ended up in exactly that situation twice in the last thirty-six hours. But as he currently had an armful of crying sixteen year old, he didn’t really think twice before wrapping his arms around Yugyeom’s shaking shoulders or rubbing a hand up and down the boy’s back in what he hoped was a soothing manner, letting Yugyeom just cry out whatever had overwhelmed him.

Yugyeom pulled himself together fairly quickly but hung onto Jaebum a little longer before pulling away and wiping his face. “I’m sorry.” He said, his voice watery like he might burst into tears again.

“Don’t be.” Jaebum assured him, keeping a hand on Yugyeom’s shoulder just in case. “I’m sorry I was watching.”

Yugyeom shook his head. “That’s… That isn’t why.” He said in a small voice, looking down at the ground and looking much younger than his age.

Jaebum felt the urge to protect grow stronger and pulled he Yugyeom against him in a half-hug.

Yugyeom rested his head on Jaebum’s shoulder. “I’m going home soon,” he said, voice quiet. “I don’t want to go home.”

“If you don’t want to go home, why do you think you’re going home?” Jaebum asked, confused.

“Because I’ve been here almost four weeks.” Yugyeom said. “I have three days left before I’m sent home even if I’m not ready to go back.”

Shit. Jaebum had forgotten about that. Four weeks seemed like forever when he’d first washed up here, but Yugyeom’s words made him realize that he’d somehow already been on the island for a week. 

“Why don’t you want to go back?” Jaebum asked, wanting to help Yugyeom in some way so he didn’t have to go back feeling the same way he did when he arrived.

“I can’t dance there anymore. I hurt myself.” Yugyeom said, sitting up as his hand moved to massage his right knee. “The doctor said it’s a torn meniscus.”

Jaebum had honestly never heard of a meniscus and had no idea what the severity of tearing one was.

It must have shown on his face because Yugyeom chuckled and explained it for him. “The meniscus is a small disc that rests between your thigh bone and your shin bone; it prevents the bones from pressing against each other when you move.”

“And you’ve torn that?” Jaebum asked, concerned. That sounded excruciating.

Yugyeom nodded. “It’s one of the most common knee injuries actually, especially for athletes.”

“Will it heal?” Jaebum asked, a bit hesitant to hear Yugyeom’s answer. An injury for a dancer was unfortunate, but Yugyeom seemed like a strong enough person that a simple injury shouldn’t have been enough for him to end up on the island.

Yugyeom’s face fell and he took a breath before shaking his head. “Not really. Not on it’s own. The meniscus is cartilage. There isn’t blood flow for it to heal itself.”

“Then what are your options?” 

“My doctor says my best option is surgery.” Yugyeom said sadly. “He said they go in and shave off any frayed edges or broken pieces of cartilage and then stitch the tear back together.”

“That sounds…” _Horrible._ Jaebum knew better than to say that out loud though.

The smile Yugyeom gave him told Jaebum that he’d heard the unsaid word anyway. “The surgery isn’t supposed to be particularly painful, just two small holes for the camera and the tools.”

“Then what’s bothering you?” Jaebum asked gently.

“The surgery is only supposed to take like an hour, but the rehab and physiotherapy after the surgery takes _months_. Three or four months until I’m able to walk without crutches or a brace but any extensive activity could take me six months to a year to resume.” He looked at Jaebum and his eyes were wet once more. “I have to drop out of the dance program and transfer to the academic stream or another high school altogether. I wouldn’t be able to dance for my entire grade eleven year which means I’d only have a few months to get back the muscle and flexibility I’ll have lost and choreograph a routine good enough to allow me to audition to university dance programs. I might have to wait a year after graduating to be able to audition for dance programs.”

Oh. Jaebum suddenly felt like he wasn’t the right person to be comforting Yugyeom. Yugyeom was clearly distraught at the thought of having to give up his dream even for a single year and Jaebum had essentially thrown his away. How was he supposed to help Yugyeom sort himself out when Jaebum himself was such a disaster?

He looked over at Yugyeom and decided to bury his own problems for the time being. Yugyeom’s problems were not his own and he shouldn’t be projecting himself onto Yugyeom.

“Are you serious about dancing?” Jaebum asked.

Yugyeom looked up at him. “Of course I am. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”

Jaebum heard his own voice saying those same words about music a few years ago and he wanted to run away from this conversation before he turned into a hypocritical asshole. 

But Yugyeom was looking at him with trusting eyes and Jaebum would rather cut off his own arm than leave him like this. So he sighed. “Get the surgery Gyeom.”

Yugyeom frowned.

“I’m obviously not a doctor and only know what you’ve told me and that you said there was a chance that it could recover on it’s own and you’d be fine after resting it for a few weeks. But what if it’s not? What if you think it’s fine and then go back to dancing and make a bigger tear?” Jaebum reasoned. “I know that you’re afraid for what this means for your future and I’m not trying to tell you that going through surgery and rehab is going to be easy but if dancing is what you really want to do long term then the surgery seems like the best option for you to ensure that the problem is really fixed. I know surgery sounds scary but if the doctor says it’s your best bet, then listen to them. That way when you recover you can have confidence in your body, you’ll know that you can push your knee as hard as you want to without risking another injury.” 

He thought of the ways he'd just seen Yugyeom move. “I don’t think you’d be able to dance the way I just saw if there was a voice in the back of your mind telling you watch what you do, if you were always afraid of aggravating the tear. And you dance far too beautifully to hold yourself back because of this. If you’ve decided to dedicate yourself to dancing then make sure you’re giving yourself the chance to fully commit to it.”

“But… What am I supposed to do while I’m recovering? I’ve been dancing for as long as I can remember. How am I supposed to just…stop?”

Jaebum had no answer to that given how he felt like he was suffocating most days. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to lie but his own personal truth was that it was really fucking hard.

“It’s temporary.” Jaebum reminded him. “You said only a few weeks of no weight at all. Take that time and plan your audition choreography. Help your friends with their dancing. Pick up a new hobby; learn to play the piano or something.”

Yugyeom chuckled.

Jaebum smiled. “You’ve only known me for a week so you don’t have to listen to me, but I want you to have the surgery. I want you to take that year to recover and then come back better than you ever were instead of tentatively pushing forward and hoping for the best.”

Yugyeom sighed and used the end of his sleeve to wipe his face even though his tears had dried some time ago. He sent Jaebum a slightly embarrassed smile. “Thanks for talking to me hyung.”

Yugyeom’s smile was enough for Jaebum not to care that he was trying to get Yugyeom to listen to advice that he himself had ignored. 

Like he’d done with Jackson, Jaebum kept an eye on Yugyeom throughout the rest of the day and he thought he was being subtle until both Jackson and Jinyoung asked him if Yugyeom was okay, not because Yugyeom was acting weird, but because _he_ was instead.

Yugyeom, for his part, seemed to be his usual cheerful self; he and Bambam happily going around causing chaos and mayhem wherever they went.

≬

The next morning he exited his tent to find Bambam curled up on Jackson’s lap, his head on Jackson’s shoulder and Jackson running his hand up and down Bambam’s back. Bambam looked like he’d been crying.

Jaebum hesitated, not sure if whatever was wrong with Bambam was was something he'd want to share with Jaebum. 

Jackson looked over at him and sent him a sad smile. “Yugyeom's gone.” 

Jaebum's frowned, wondering where he could have gone that would upset Bambam so much.

“Gone home.” Jackson clarified when he realized Jaebum didn’t know what he was talking about.

Jaebum’s eyes moved to the biggest of all the tents, the one that Yugyeom had been using. The door was unzipped and the inside was empty of all the bedding and clothing that Yugyeom had collected, the items returning to wherever they were on the island before Yugyeom picked them up. As if he’d never been there at all.

Jaebum felt his stomach clench painfully. 

Yugyeom was gone. 

Yugyeom, the sweet, naive kid that Jaebum would never see again. 

Sure Jaebum had only known him a week but the kid had a way of endearing himself to people. Jaebum had rapidly developed a soft spot for him, one that had grown exponentially after their conversation yesterday. He found himself wondering on occasion over the past few days if that feeling of protective annoyed fondness he felt for Yugyeom was what it was like to have a little brother. 

And now he was gone.

He blinked quickly to hold back tears of his own. He never got to say goodbye. Yugyeom had said he had three days left so if he went home early it must have meant he was ready to go home. Jaebum tried to find comfort in that fact, in the knowledge that Yugyeom would be okay. But, fuck, was it really too much for this island to have let them say goodbye first?

Thin arms wrapped around his waist and for the third time in four days Jaebum had someone hugging him while crying. 

This time however, he felt comforted by Bambam’s hug and had no hesitation about wrapping his own arms around the boy, offering his own comfort while accepting Bambam’s. “He’ll be okay.” He said, surprised by how firm and certain his voice was. “He was ready to go home.”

“I’ll miss him though.” Bambam said, his voice muffled into Jaebum’s shoulder.

“Me too.” Jaebum agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....the end of this chapter got a lot sadder than I meant it to. Or more bittersweet at the very least. Whoops. But Gyeom is okay!!
> 
> For Yugyeom I kind of projected myself onto him a bit. I suffered a meniscal tear when I was in high school (sports injury) though I made his worse. Mine was minor and didn't require surgery and was fine with rest and ice (I'm the laziest person ever and I honestly still use it as excuse to not do things sometimes). It's the weirdest injury ever though because like 70% of the time you feel absolutely normal and then you go and do something simple like sit down or climb stairs and suddenly it feels like someone is stabbing knives inside your kneecap. I'm trying to give them all backstories that are different from each other's but also somewhat plausible for the real people that I've based the character's off of. I think that an injury for a dancer could be devastating so I thought that it fit for Yugyeom's character.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Thank you for the comments and kudos that you leave. I cherish all of them ❤


	9. Chapter 9

Jaebum spent a lot of time over the next few days thinking about Yugyeom and the conversation they'd had, the advice Jaebum had given him. Jaebum's own situation wasn't the same, but it bothered him that he hadn't chosen his dreams the way Yugyeom did. That his choice wasn't as simple as that.

Unsurprisingly Bambam was taking Yugyeom’s departure the hardest given that the two had been virtually inseparable before. They all made sure to keep an eye on their new youngest, who had taken to sticking to Jackson now that his chaos buddy was gone.

Jaebum had been spending more time on his own, a good portion of it on the beach with a notebook open on the towel beside him, filled with scratched out lyrics and words he wouldn’t remember. He knew it was pointless, but he couldn’t help it. He wrote when he was upset as a way to make sense of his emotions. Add to that the fact that he hadn’t written anything in weeks, all those bottled up emotions kind of exploded into words that Jaebum couldn’t get to sound the way he wanted them to.

He frowned as he reread the words he’d just written before scratching them out like so many other phrases that had come before. He threw down the pencil he'd found on the beach one morning and looked out over the ocean, melodies and phrases bouncing around in his head.

He was glad and relieved that his conversation with Yugyeom has helped calm Yugyeom's worries and make his decision a little easier but he felt like he should be taking his own advice. He felt like he was letting Yugyeom down for saying what he didn't and yet still be sitting on the beach of Lost. If he had all the answers to Yugyeom’s problem, shouldn't he be able to sort his out too? To choose his dream?

But the cost of choosing his dream wasn’t something he was sure he could afford.

A hand fell lightly on his shoulder, making him jump. He looked up to see Jackson looking apologetic, his hands in the air. "Sorry, I called your name a few times. You didn't answer."

Jaebum shook his head, moving the notebook out of the way so Jackson could sit next to him. "No, my fault. I was zoning out. What's up?"

“I found this this morning.” He said, handing Jaebum a beautiful fountain pen as he settled on the towel beside him. It was black and had a a golden, ornate English letter engraved into it. An ‘R’ he thought.

He looked at Jackson curiously. “And you thought you’d give it to me?”

Jackson shrugged,  “My dad used one when I was a kid. It made even his chicken scratch handwriting look interesting and beautiful.” His smile faded as his eyes landed on the notebook full of scratched out lyrics in front of Jaebum. “I thought maybe it’d help you write lyrics you’d be happy with.”

Jaebum grimaced. “You noticed that did you?”

Jackson shook his head. “Jinyoung did. He mentioned that you’d been having a hard time writing and I thought a lucky pen might help.”

Jaebum laughed, the idea was so childish, so ridiculous, that he couldn’t help it. Smiling he thanked Jackson, uncapping the pen and testing it out, just writing his own name in the sapphire blue ink the pen was filled with. He leaned back and looked at it, ink shimmering as it dried and the slight variation in thickness that came from the different angle of pen strokes. “Okay. It does look cooler.” He conceded, his smile growing when Jackson laughed.

Jaebum screwed the cap back on and then clipped the pen to the notebook so it wouldn’t get lost. He turned back to Jackson to find Jackson already looking at him, his smile from a moment ago fading, a more serious expression replacing it.

“You didn’t come here just to give me then pen, did you?” Jaebum asked.

Jackson shook his head. “You’ve been quiet since Yugyeom went home. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Jaebum opened his mouth to tell Jackson that he was fine but no words came out. He sat there with his mouth hanging open for a moment before he realized that he was tired of lying. It had been months since he’d been honest about this and he was tired of having to think of excuses for why he was upset.

“No. I feel like an asshole.” Jaebum said, turning back to look at the sea. He didn’t look back at Jackson but he had a feeling that he’d surprised the other man.

“Why would you say that?” Jackson asked eventually.

“Because I told Yugyeom that he should follow his dreams and do whatever he could in order to make sure that he achieves them.”

“I… I’m not sure why that makes you an asshole, hyung.” Jackson said, his voice clearly lost and confused.

“Because I threw away my own dreams. I’m here because I can’t _stand_ the fact that I’m not going into music and yet I feel like I made it seem like Yugyeom’s challenges were so insignificant, so simple.”  He exhaled harshly. “I feel like an asshole for telling Yugyeom to do something that I haven’t figured out how to do.”

"Oh." Jackson said quietly.

They were quiet for several moments before Jackson broke it. "Why are you going into business if you don't want to?"

"Because my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't."

He heard Jackson's sharp inhale but didn't look over to see his face.

"I don't know if they were serious, we'd been fighting for awhile and I want to believe that my dad just said it in anger. He hasn't said it since and I've been too afraid to ask."

He felt Jackson hand on his knee. "Hyung, I'm so sorry."

"They just want what's best for me; I know that. They see how vicious the music industry is, how competitive it is and how hard it is to not only get into but to be successful in. They don't me to fail. They know that with a business degree I'll always be employable." Jaebum explained, trying to make sure Jackson knew his parents weren’t terrible people.

“The whole thing started like six months ago when they brought up the topic of where I was going to school when I graduated. I’d already researched a few music programs I was interested in so I started talking about them but my parents shut that down immediately. They told me they would never pay for me to get a music degree, that it would be a waste of time and money and that I'd never get a job.

"I initially didn't care. My parents forced the value of working hard on me from a young age and I've had part time jobs since I was fourteen. I told them that was fine, that they didn't have to pay for me. My grades were good, I might have qualified for a scholarship but I also had no problems working while going to school if I needed to.

"But my dad just freaked out. Said that wasn't the point. Said no son of his would be a jobless failure. Said that if I wanted to pursue music then I could find a new house to live in while I was at it. And then he left the room and didn't speak to me for three days."

Jaebum reached up and angrily wiped a tear from his cheek. Fuck, he _hated_ crying. Jackson wrapped his arms around Jaebum waist and rested his head on Jaebum's shoulder.

"My mom didn't say anything. She didn't look like she agreed with my dad but she didn't say anything to deny it either. All she said was 'why don't you think about it some more and we'll talk later?'"

"I get what you meant now," Jackson said, squeezing Jaebum tighter. "When you felt frustrated that there was nothing you could do to help me. God do I wish I could say or do something to help you, hyung."

Jaebum's lips curled into a small smile and he dropped his cheek onto Jackson's hair. "I know." He said, hoping Jackson knew how grateful he was, just for the thought.

"So what happened? You said that was months ago, right? How did you end up here now, if you don't mind my asking."

"It's fine." Jaebum assured him. "I already told you I applied to business school.”

Jackson hummed in agreement.

“Obviously I listened to what they wanted me to do. At the time I was too shocked to even think that I had a choice. My parents had never exactly been supportive of my music but they had never given any indication that they hated it either. Never stopped me from working on it, never told me I couldn’t go to local shows. But finding out that they were so against it that they'd kick me out was something that took weeks to digest. In that time I'd already applied to business programs. I didn’t want to but…they’re my parents. I didn’t think that my passion for making music was more important to me than they were.”

“What changed?”

“Nothing significant. It…it was more a slow progression that got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t really think it was a big deal at first. I don’t like business but I didn’t see anything wrong with studying it. It would be something to fall back on if my music dreams fell through. I figured I’d still do composing on the side and everyone would be happy. So I put my dreams of being a producer into a little box in the corner of my heart for the time being, knowing they’d still be there in four years when I was ready to reopen it without risking losing my parents.”

He heard Jackson inhale, no doubt to ask another question, but none came. Jackson just shifted against him slightly and waiting. Jaebum appreciated it. Appreciated having time to gather his thoughts and figure out how to put into words the complex emotions he was struggling with.

“Like I said, at first I was okay with it. I mean I wasn’t happy about the whole situation, but I didn’t think of it as the end of the world either.” He took a deep breath. “But as more time passed  it really sunk in that I was going to be going into business, that my dreams of being a producer would be put on hold for four _years_. That box I locked my dreams away in started to feel smaller as every day passed, when anyone mentioned graduation or university, until one day it felt like it wasn’t just my dream in that little box, but me instead, and it had gotten so small I felt like I could barely breathe.”

Jackson was holding him so tight it was almost painful but Jaebum didn’t ask him to let go. He felt like at that moment Jackson’s arms were the only thing stopping him from breaking apart into a million little pieces so he leaned closer instead, accepting the comfort that Jackson was so freely offering.

“I don’t want to waste four years studying business.” He confessed quietly. “But I don’t want to lost my parents either.”

Jackson was quiet for longer than Jaebum thought he would be before saying, “but if they’re worried about wasting their money on a degree that will get you nowhere, isn’t going and studying business doing exactly that anyway?”

Jaebum laughed weakly. “Of course it is. And I’ve thought about that so many times. My parents are by no means rich and I feel guilty whenever I think about them spending so much money on something that I’ll probably never use. But I’m too selfish to tell them not to.”

Jackson knocked Jaebum’s head off him as he raised his own to look at Jaebum with a fierce expression on his face. “Not wanting to lose your parents does not make you selfish.”

Jaebum sent him a smile before leaning his head onto Jackson’s shoulder, seeking the comfort he'd felt just a moment ago. “I know that. But I do think that it’s selfish of me not to be honest with them.”

“Do you have any alternatives?” Jackson asked. “If… If you tell them you won’t go into business. Is there somewhere else you could stay? Just for a little while until your parents come to their senses?”

Jaebum smiled at Jackson’s confidence that any rift that develops between him and his parents would be temporary. Jaebum hoped it would be too. “I have a close friend who said I could stay with him if I needed to. He even asked his parents and they were fine with me staying there as long as I needed to.” He admitted.

“But that isn’t really the point I guess, is it?” Jackson asked gently and Jaebum felt relieved that Jackson understood. Yeah, it was nice that he had somewhere to go if things went south with his parents, but the real issue was the fact that Jaebum wouldn’t be welcome in his own home. Wouldn’t be able to lean on his parents when he needed them or ask them for advice.

“No. It isn’t.” Jaebum agreed.

They’re quiet once again, Jaebum realizing that he’d been leaning most of his weight against Jackson but when he tried to pull back a little Jackson just pulled him closer. So he relaxed and just let Jackson hold him, accepting Jackson't unique brand of comfort.

“I heard this quote once,” Jackson said out of nowhere some time later. “I don’t remember exactly how it went but it was something like ‘never live your life to make other people happy, because at the end of the day you are the only one that has to walk in your shoes.’ I… I don’t want to tell you to choose music over your parents because god knows I’d _die_ without my parents, but… I don’t want you to give up you who you are for them. I know they gave you life, but I don’t think that’s enough for them to tell you what you should do with it. That’s not fair to you. I think that your suffering is only going to get worse the longer you deny yourself what you truly want.”

Jaebum didn’t respond, thinking over Jackson’s words.

“But what do I know? Maybe you’ll just be swapping one form of pain for another. Maybe you’ll be free to be yourself but losing your parents will be just as painful as losing yourself is.”

Jaebum laughed weakly. “Thank you for articulating the argument I’ve been having with myself for the past six months so nicely.” He said.

“Sorry,” Jackson said sheepishly.

Jaebum shook his head. “Don’t be. Thank you for listening and for offering your thoughts. But I know that this is a choice that only I can make.”

It felt good to be able to talk about it with someone new. His friends knew and were sympathetic and were willing to listen if he needed them to, but it was also obvious to him that months of talking in circles about the same thing without a resolution was frustrating for them. Jaebum had stopped bringing it up but he hadn’t realized until that moment how much he needed to talk about it. He felt lighter just from having said the words out loud.

For the first time he felt like he really understood the true value of this imaginary island he’d found himself on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry JB. And sorry to JB's parents who, from what I've heard, are like the sweetest people on the planet. I feel like his reason for being there is the most out of character comparing to real-Jaebum so hopefully I was able to write it in a way that made sense and was believable. 
> 
> Just an overall update, fic is actually almost over, about 3 more chapters to go. The last few chapters are almost finished so I hope to be done this fic next weekend.
> 
> Thank you so much to those of you who continue to come back to read new chapters 💚
> 
> PS: RenaeS, I have no idea if you're still reading this, but if you haven't found the pen your sister gave you yet, Jaebum's going to be using till you do. (Also, I hope you'll forgive the liberties I took in describing it appearance as I have no idea what your pen looks like)


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the day had been spent with Jackson on the beach, Jinyoung showing up not long after their conversation, his eyes flickering between the two before seemingly finding what he was looking for because he smiled and wormed his way in between the two, Jackson wrapping Jinyoung in his arms instead. Jaebum laughed and enjoyed the rest of the day with the the two people he was closest with on the island, feeling lighter than he had in ages. He didn’t even mind when Bambam showed up, proclaiming that he was bored and sad and that they needed to entertain him. Jaebum and Jinyoung rolled their eyes, but Jackson went into full mother mode, taking care of his baby for the rest of the night.

Jaebum’s conversation with Jackson stuck with him into the next day and he found fragments of it drifting through his thoughts at random moments, like his brain was nudging him into making a choice. A choice that he still wasn’t sure he was ready to make just yet. He had a feeling that his heart had already chosen, he was just waiting for his mind to catch up. 

Jaebum chose to stay at the Campsite to work on his lyrics there instead of the beach, curling up on one of the beanbag chairs and pulling out the fountain pen Jackson had given him. Just looking at it made him smile and he found that, strangely, it worked. He didn’t know if it was the pen itself, the reminder that he got it because his friends were looking out for him or if the conversation had eased some of his tension but the words flowed from the tip of the pen like they hadn’t done in months, effortless and exactly the way Jaebum wanted them to.

He’d written almost two complete songs when Bambam appeared and sat on the ground beside him, using the seat of the plastic chair next to him as a table to…paint his nails?

Jaebum leaned over a bit and watched as Bambam carefully applied glittery vibrant green nail polish to his nails with a care and precision that Jaebum never could have managed.

“Does this bother you?” Bambam asked without looking up as he finished all the nails on one of his hands.

Jaebum blinked and wondered what Bambam was talking about. “Does what bother me?” He asked.

Bambam looked up at him, his expression fierce but not fierce enough to hide the fragility in his eyes that Jaebum had never seen there before. “A guy wearing nail polish.” 

Jaebum was a bit taken aback, not only by the question but by the intensity with which Bambam had asked it and the way Bambam stared at him while waiting for Jaebum's answer. His next words obviously mattered more than Bambam wanted to let on.

“Are you going to try and make me wear it?” Jaebum asked eventually.

Bambam blinked, his expression shifting to confusion. “No. Of course not.”

Jaebum shrugged and turned back to his compositions. “Then why would it bother me? It’s no business of mine what you wear.”

Bambam’s answering snort was so sarcastic Jaebum was surprised the kid didn’t hurt himself. He looked back up to see an ugly look flit across the boy’s face before he looked down at his freshly painted nails. “You’re one of the few who thinks that way.”

Oh. 

“Is… Is that why you’re here?” Jaebum asked tentatively, wondering if Bambam wanted to talk about it.

“Yeah.” Bambam sighed. “But it’s not just the nail polish but my shoes, my hair, fuck, it’s even the colour _pink_.” He looked up at Jaebum furiously. “What the hell does it matter if I wear the colour pink?”

“It shouldn’t,” Jaebum murmured.

“Of course it shouldn’t! But it _does_.” Bambam said. “I show to to school with nice shoes and pink nail polish and all of a sudden I have assholes breathing down my neck, calling me horrible slurs and telling me how gay I am. I’m _not_. Why can’t I like the colour pink _and_ girls? It’s a _colour_ not a sexual identity for god’s sake!”

Jaebum turned Bambam a little more. “I assume you’ve considered just not wearing any of that stuff? Not to school at least?”

“Of course I have. But it don’t like it. The uniform is boring and ugly and I don’t like looking like everyone else. The only thing I can change are my shoes, my nails and my hair. I like adding my own style to the uniform; it’s a way of showing who I am. The teachers don’t seem to care about it, so I can’t figure out why my classmates do.”

“So your choices are basically cover up who you are or get bullied.” Jaebum summarized, aware that his words were oversimplifying the problem. He hated how judgmental people were to one another. First Jackson and now Bambam. Sure, they both had outgoing personalities and tended to put themselves out there more than other people Jaebum knew, but Jaebum didn't understand why people took that as permission to just say what they wanted about them.

“I shouldn’t have to make that choice though!” Bambam said, clearly angry and frustrated.

“I agree.” Jaebum replied, knowing exactly where Bambam’s anger and frustration came from all too well. It wasn’t the same as the choices _he’d_ had to make, but Jaebum had also been forced into making a choice that he shouldn’t have had to make. He knew his parents wanted what was best for him. That they wanted him to do well and be successful in life. He knew they didn’t understand what they were asking him to give up. 

“But that’s what life is, isn’t it?” He asked, closing his lyric book. “A series of choices that we have to make. And some of them are _so_ easy, easier than breathing, and some of them are so hard you feel like you may as well just stop choosing altogether because you’ve lost all confidence in yourself to make good decisions. Sometimes you’re faced with two absolutely horrible options and you wish you could stop time so that you could have more time to look for a third option because there  _ has _ to be something else you can do other than those two options that you know will make you absolutely miserable in completely different ways. And ultimately you’re forced to choose the one where at the end of the day you think you’ll be able to face the person looking back at you in the mirror.”

“Hyung…” Bambam said softly, making Jaebum realize that he’d probably given far more away about himself than he’d intended to with that speech.

Jaebum gave him a smile that felt brittle even to himself. “My point is that I don’t have an answer for you and I’m not trying to tell you to choose one over the other. I’m telling you that you’re right. It sucks and no matter what you choose you’re probably going to be hurt. So if it’s going to hurt either way, choose the one that you think will get you through the day. And pray that after enough days pass that third choice will finally appear for you to grab onto with both hands.”

Bambam looked up at him with eyes that suddenly seemed far more mature than his age. “Has your third option appeared yet?”

Jaebum sighed. “I  wouldn’t be here if it had.” He confessed, feeling bad that the conversation had somehow shifted to his problems instead of Bambam's.

Bambam nodded in understanding before his expression turned teasing, a total 180 from their topic of conversation. “Hey hyung.”

“Yeah?” Jaebum asked warily.

Bambam held up the bottle of nail polish. “Can I paint your nails?”

Jaebum rolled his eyes as the boy cackled. 

Deciding to tease him back, Jaebum held out his thumb. “You can have one.”

Bambam stopped laughing and stared at him in shock. “Wait, are you serious?” He asked, his voice hushed.

Jaebum’s expression softened. Would he ever even consider letting someone paint his nails when he wasn’t on an imaginary island? Probably not, no. But could he give one of his nails to help give Bambam a shred of hope that not everyone in the world was as horrible and judgemental as the assholes at his school? Absolutely he could.

“Get to it before I change my mind.” He said, wiggling his thumb a little.

Bambam grinned and grabbed Jaebum’s hand, holding it still as he carefully applied a thin layer of polish over his thumbnail with a soft smile on his face that probably matched the one Jaebum was wearing.

Bambam was  _ loud _ and his personality and humour were frankly somewhat baffling to Jaebum and he definitely wasn’t the type of person that Jaebum normally would have considered being friends with. But Bambam knew himself and felt comfortable in his own skin in a way Jaebum wasn’t sure he ever had and he was far braver than Jaebum had ever been.

Jaebum envied him a little. 

He wondered if he could learn a thing or two from the small boy by the time he left this place.

≬

Throughout the remainder of the day, Jaebum kept looking at the bright green polish on his thumbnail. Kept rubbing his index finger over it, enjoying the rough texture of the glitter under the pad of his finger. He liked that it reminded him of Bambam and their conversation. It reminded him that Bambam was so determined to be himself, that he wasn’t ashamed to hide who he was or bend to what other people thought he should be. 

He wanted to be like Bambam.

He wanted to be like Jackson who had people hating him for no reason from all sides and yet was determined to keep doing things his way, unwilling to compromise himself for anyone.

He wanted to be like Yugyeom, running headfirst into his dreams no matter what tried to stop him.

In the end it was a dream that made Jaebum finally make his choice. He’ dreamed he was a middle age man winning some big award in a company with white walls and faceless people cheering his name as he clutched a trophy to his chest like it was a baby and walked into a boring office whose walls were covered with pictures of his own face hung in ‘employee of the month’ frames.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad dream, but it made Jaebum realized that living that life was his own personal hell. He didn’t want to go to business school, he never had, but seeing where that kind of degree would take him was frightening. His parents didn’t want to waste their money on a degree they thought was useless and Jaebum understood that. But making him take business was going to be just as big a waste of their money as paying for a music degree. It didn’t matter what his parents wanted, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t become the him from that dream. The office life was fine for other people, fine for his parents to dream about, but it wasn’t  _ him. _

He’d find a job somewhere until he’d earned enough to apply to university on his own. He’d put his music online, perform wherever he could, audition for music companies, anything he could possibly do. He _would_ go into music. He would dedicate his life to ensuring that he was successful so that even if his parents were serious about kicking him out if he pursued music, maybe they’d change their mind when he was successful. Or maybe they’d just be comforted with the fact that their son wasn’t a failure.

Regardless of their choice, Jaebum was confident he wouldn’t regret his. He wasn’t fooling himself into think this was going to be the easy choice, but he genuinely believed that it was the right choice for him. As Jackson had told him, and as he’d told Bambam, he had to make the choice that he thought he could live with, the one where he could look at himself at the end of the day and be content with what he saw. This was the only choice where Jaebum thought he could do that, even though he knew it would break his heart in an entirely different way.

≬

“I’m going to drop out of business school.” Jaebum confessed quietly to Jackson later that night when everyone else had gone to sleep. It had become their habit since that first night Jackson was upset. They’d stay up after everyone else and just talk about whatever came to mind. Sometimes they just sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company. 

Jackson looked at him, his smile lighting up in face in a way the dying fire in front of them didn’t. “Yeah?”

Jaebum nodded. “Yeah. It’s not going to be easy. I don’t know how my parents will react and I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst but… I can’t go through with what they want me to do.”

“I wish I could be there, to help you if you need it.” Jackson said wistfully.

Jaebum’s heart sunk. He found himself constantly forgetting that the only person he’d see after he woke up again was Jinyoung, and even then he might not even remember how they'd rebuilt their friendship over the past week and a half. The reminder hurt. These people felt his his family in a way his own never did. He was starting to forget what it felt like to not wake up to Jackson’s beaming smile. To not spend his morning talking about literature with Jinyoung. To not spend his afternoons goofing off with these absolute idiots and then just relaxing and unwinding with them all around a fire at night. Of course he loved his friends back home, but he wondered more than once if part of the magic of the island was putting people together with others who would do them the most good.

At first he thought forgetting about this place when he woke up was a bit cruel but now he realized that it might be done out of self-preservation. He’d been upset when they lost Yugyeom but when he woke up and lost all of them? He’d be heartbroken. Maybe forgetting about how much he cared for people he’d never see again was a blessing rather than the curse he’d earlier thought it was.

Still… “I wish I knew you in the real world.” Jaebum said.

Jackson sent him a sad smile. “Me too.”

He thought about what it would be like, to know these six back home. To know that they were a phone call away when he needed them or to be able to text them just to check in on how they were doing. To check up on how Yugyeom was recovering from his surgery. To let Bambam drag him shopping. To just be there to listen when Jackson needed to rant again.

_Stop thinking about it,_ he told himself. It wasn’t going to happen and he was making himself sad thinking about it. 

Jaebum stood and stretched. “It’s been a long day, I think I'll head to bed. Goodnight Jackson.”

He missed the sad looked Jackson sent toward his retreating back, but he heard the softly uttered, “Bye Jaebum.”

The choice of words seemed odd to Jaebum but he said nothing about it as he zipped himself into the tent and crawled into bed.

≬

The next morning Youngjae was singing a song Jaebum had never heard before. It was good, whatever it was. Jaebum liked it. He’d have to ask Youngjae what song it was later.

Then another voice he recognized began speaking, saying the name of the song and explaining how it was the debut track from a new boy group and then how they’d be back after a brief commercial break. 

The emcee of the radio station Jaebum had for his alarm in the mornings.

His eyes flew open and instead of the canvas walls of his tent that he was now used to, he was staring at his alarm clock, the illuminated green numbers glaring back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand he's home. Sorry for leaving you with this ending, I'm a terrible person and I give you permission to yell at me. The good news is that I have a lot of the remainder of this fic already written so the ending should be out soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope we all survive the comeback to be able see the end of this fic.


	11. Chapter 11

No. _No, no no._  

Jaebum immediately reached out and hit the snooze button, something he’d never done before. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep even though he knew from the way his heart was racing that him falling back asleep was a near impossibility.

Still, he tried. He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to imagine he was there; he remembered the warmth of the sun on his skin, the softness of the sand under his feet, the sound of the waves washing up against the shore.

It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to face his own life anymore. He’d made his decision and he was going to stick with it, hoping that one day in the future his parents would understand why he made the choice that he did.

It was about the fact that he didn’t get to say goodbye. He wasn’t entirely sure if any of the people he’d come to care for were real, but at that moment they _felt_ real. He could still hear Youngjae's laugh and feel the warmth of Jackson's arms when they wrapped around him, how safe he'd felt within them. He wanted to believe that his imagination wasn't anywhere near that good, that there had to have been _some_ shred of reality in the dream. He wanted to believe that those boys existed somewhere in this world because the pain he felt at the thought of never seeing any of them again was realer and sharper than the fear of telling his parents he wasn’t going to drop out of his business program. Even if they were only figments of his imagination, they still helped him find answers, helped him feel more like himself and more confident in himself than he had in a long time and he was desperate to thank them for it.

He was still lying there when his alarm came on again and Jaebum was slow to reach out and turn it off.

He lay in bed for a few more moments, trying to embed the details of the dream into his memory for good. He usually didn't remember his dreams but _god_ he wanted to remember this one. He lay there and tried to remember the way Yugyeom moved when he danced, Youngjae’s voice, Bambam’s laughter, the way Jackson’s entire face lit up when he smiled.

He was interrupted by his mom yelling up, asking if he was awake yet. Jaebum replied that he was, kicking off the blankets and pushing himself out of bed with a heavy heart.

As he went through his morning the dream began to feel less tangible, more imaginary. Less like real life and more the dream it was. He rolled his eyes at himself as he packed his bag and put on his shoes. What was he so worked up over a dream for?

Still, he couldn't deny the shadows of longing he felt in the corners of his heart. How nice would it have been if it _had_ been real… How nice it would be if could have those six in his life for real. To be able to have them to rely on when he needed them and to be there to support them in return.

He started walking towards the bus stop when he recognized the person wearing his school uniform walking a good distance ahead of him. Jinyoung. Jaebum saw him walking occasionally but had never really talked to him, never felt like he knew how to start a conversation after all this time.

But he felt particularly inspired this morning. Even if he realized the dream for was, he'd still been good friends with Jinyoung once. That alone was worth a two minute conversation while they waited for the bus, especially since Jaebum would only be attending the same school as Jinyoung for a few more days. Who knew if they'd ever see each other again after that. The thought saddened Jaebum a great deal more than it probably would have yesterday.

“Morning.” Jaebum said quietly as he stopped next to Jinyoung under the glass bus shelter.

Jinyoung looked up at him with a curious expression on his face. “Good morning.” He replied, studying Jaebum in a way that made hope flicker back to life in Jaebum's chest. It wasn’t the bored, somewhat disinterested expression that Jaebum had received in the past. Jinyoung was studying him like he was looking for an answer of his own. Jaebum didn’t know if he was looking for the same thing Jaebum was, for confirmation that they’d really been on Lost, but Jinyoung turned back to the book in his hands without giving any indication that he’d found whatever he was searching for. He did put the book away though, turning to Jaebum and asking questions to keep the conversation going.

They made small talk while they waited, Jaebum twisting the urge to blurt out the question he desperately wanted to ask. _“Did you have the same dream? Was it real?_

He knew better than to ask that aloud so instead he enjoyed catching up with an old friend until the bus came and they fell quiet as they joined the crowd on the bus.

≬

Telling his parents went better than he thought it would, but also worse than he’d hoped. He packed a bunch of his things beforehand in case things went really bad and he wasn’t able to come back to get them for a few days. He left his suitcase by the door and then went to find his parents. They just sat there and stared at him as he explained that he was sorry for letting them down, but that he just couldn’t complete the business program that they wanted for him.

They didn’t say anything then either, just stared at him.

Unsure what to do, Jaebum decided to leave anyways. At the very least it would avoid a conflict whenever their shock wore off. He told them he was going to stay at a friends house for the time being before picking up his suitcase with trembling hands and leaving the house, unable to believe that he’d just done that.

He walked down the street in a fog until someone calling his name startled him. He turned around at first, thinking it was his parents, but it wasn’t.

“Jaebum-hyung!” The voice called again, closer this time.

Jaebum turned to see Jinyoung walking down the steps up to his house towards him, still in his school uniform with a worried look on his face. “Hyung, are you okay?” he asked, his eyes flicking down towards the suitcase in Jaebum’s hand before meeting his eyes again. “What happened?”

“I ran away from home?” Jaebum said, still unsure himself. “Or I got kicked out?”

Jinyoung’s concerned expression deepened and he grabbed Jaebum’s sleeve and pulled him inside his house, the interior of Jinyoung’s room hadn’t changed all that much from the last time Jaebum had been there and it was familiar enough for Jaebum to start to relax, Jinyoung demanding that he explain what had happened, Jaebum too tired and numb to try to hide it. The two had been talking more frequently this past few days, Jinyoung even waiting for him so they could walk to the bus together. That, combined with the lingering memories of the dream, made Jaebum just blurt out everything that had happened over the last six months.

Jinyoung looked confused and angry on his behalf. He told Jaebum to go back home, to get answers about whether or not he was allowed to go back, but Jaebum wasn’t ready for that yet. His parents needed time to digest his decision and so did he.

Jinyoung asked if he needed a place to stay, offered to let Jaebum stay with him if he didn’t, but Jaebum let him know he’d be staying at a friends. Jinyoung insisted that he at least stay for dinner and, smiling, Jaebum accepted.

Jinyoung’s mom on the other hand seemed endlessly curious about Jaebum’s reappearance in their lives and asked all kinds of questions that Jaebum wasn’t ready to answer. Luckily Jinyoung had inherited his talent for non-verbal communication from his parents and over half the conversation that night was done through headshakes and eyebrow movement.

≬

 Jaebum opened the door to a gaming cafe in their neighbourhood later that week. He had plans to see a movie with Jinyoung later that night, the two becoming surprisingly close again after Jinyoung took him in when he left home. It wasn’t awkward like it had been the past few years. It felt comfortable and familiar and Jaebum couldn’t decide if he felt that way because of the comfort Jinyoung had so willingly offered when Jaebum needed it, because of their history or because of the distant memory of a dream where the two would spend hours talking with one another or just reading side by side in silence. Whatever it was, he appreciated having Jinyoung back in his life.

Unfortunately Jinyoung had choir practice after school and Jaebum had no desire to wait for him at school, nor did he feel comfortable enough around Jinyoung’s mom again to be at Jinyoung’s house alone with her. He still wasn't sure if he was allowed to go back to his. So he went to a nearby cafe to wait for Jinyoung to be finished, making his way towards one of the computers in the back where the staff wouldn’t notice that he wasn’t actually using any of the computers and kick him out.

He paused when he turned down the second row and saw a guy gaming at a computer not too far from where he was headed. He looked familiar and Jaebum had the strangest feeling that he’s seen the boy before. That he _knew_ him. It took Jaebum a few moments to figure out who it was. “Mark?” He blurted before he could stop himself.

The guy lifted his head in Jaebum’s direction, frowning in confusion.

When he didn’t say anything or show any indication of knowing who Jaebum was, Jaebum’s stomach dropped. Fuck. It wasn’t him. Or Jaebum remembered wrong. Or the whole thing really was just a dream and Jaebum was just losing it out of desperation that a stupid dream had been real.

“Sorry,” Jaebum muttered, embarrassed. “Wrong person.”

He dropped his gaze to the floor and was walking to the back corner, passing behind Mark’s chair when he heard a tentative reply. “Jaebum?”

Jaebum felt his heart fly into his throat, nearly choking him. It wasn’t possible. Jaebum was _certain_ that he’d never met Mark before in his life, except for on that island in what was supposed to be just a dream.

He knees felt weak and he turned, falling into the chair next to Mark’s. “You… You know who I am?”

Mark gave him a relieved smile. “Jaebum…blue tent on the left?” He said, looking unsure.

“Oh my god.” Jaebum whispered. There was no way anyone would know that. Unless someone was with him on that island. Unless the events of that dream were as real as Jaebum had been hoping they were. “Holy _shit_.” Jaebum said, awed. “It was real.”

“Seems that way.” Mark said, not caring as his character was killed on the screen next to him. He didn’t even seem to notice.

They stared at one another for a few moments before Jaebum said, “I know Jinyoung. We’re neighbours. He’s real too.” He couldn’t remember if Mark had ever known that.

Mark nodded. “I’m pretty sure I've seen Jackson.” Mark said hesitantly. “I think he works the gym where I practice martial arts. I saw him there the day after I woke up. I didn’t talk to him though. I thought… I didn’t think it was possible it could really be him.”

If Jaebum wasn’t already sitting he was pretty sure his legs might have given out at that news. Of course he was glad Mark existed. But for some reason knowing _Jackson_ was real kind of made him want to cry. He couldn't remember why.

Jaebum never really got a chance to talk one on one with Mark on the island, the older preferring to keep to himself a lot of the time. Now that he knew Mark was real, Jaebum felt like he _neede_ d to know him better and couldn’t help but ask questions that Mark seemed to have no problem answering.

The two talked about how absolutely insane it was that they’d found each other, at how the odds were so microscopic but somehow the stars had aligned and Mark had wanted to kill some time before practice and Jaebum wanted to hide out for a while and they’d both chosen the same place to do it.

Mark didn't get to see Jinyoung because he had to leave before Jinyoung was arrived, but he gave Jaebum his phone number and told him that he’d let Jaebum know later that night if it really had been Jackson at his gym.

After he left Jaebum just sat there staring at a blank computer screen, trying to wrap his head around what he’d just learned until Jinyoung showed up, shaking his shoulder and looking at him with concern. “What happened?”

“I just met Mark.” Jaebum said.

Jinyoung looked at him with a guarded expression. “Who’s Mark?” He asked carefully.

 _The guy from my dream_ , Jaebum considered saying but reconsidered when he realized how crazy that made him sound. “Someone I met not too long ago. Someone who I didn’t think it was possible to ever see again.” He said, watching Jinyoung as closely as Jinyoung was watching him.

They just stared at each other, neither one of them seeming to want to be the one to ask the question Jaebum hoped they both wanted to know the answer to.

Jaebum broke first. He sighed. “Have you ever heard of an imaginary island called Lost?”

Jinyoung’s mouth dropped open and he just stared at Jaebum for a few seconds before closing it again. “That… Wasn’t that just a dream?”

Jaebum shrugged. “Honestly? I have no idea. But I just met Mark, who I know for a fact I had never seen before that dream, and he knew my name and the colour of the tent I slept in.”

“Holy shit.”

Jaebum chuckled, never having heard Jinyoung swear before. “Agreed.”

“I think I saw Youngjae on our bus this morning.” Jinyoung blurted, too loud for the small space but the only other person in the cafe was wearing headphones and didn’t notice their conversation. The employee from behind the front counter seemed to have disappeared. “He was wearing the uniform for the Arts school just north of our school.”

Jaebum’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

Jinyoung nodded. “I saw him but… I thought it was just a coincidence. What… What if they’re all real? Yugyeom, Bambam—”

“Jackson.” Jaebum finished for him. “Mark said he might know Jackson. Said he thinks he works at the same gym where he takes martial arts.”

Jinyoung just stared at him, no doubt realizing the same implications that Jaebum had been thinking about when he’d been waiting for Jinyoung to show up. “Holy shit.” He repeated in a whisper.

Mark texted him later that night to confirm that it really was Jackson, including a selfie of the two of them that made Jaebum’s heart speed up as he looked at the screen, Jackson was making some stupid face but it was undeniably the same face that Jaebum had come to know on that imaginary island.

He felt Jinyoung lean against his shoulder. “It really is them.” He murmured. “How is this possible?”

“I don’t know.” Jaebum confessed. “But I honestly don’t care. I’m just glad that it is.”

“Me too.” Jinyoung replied.

≬

Turned out, it _was_ Youngjae on the bus. Jaebum had stayed over at Jinyoung’s after the movie, his curiosity getting the better of him. The two of them had squeezed their way through the crowded bus when they saw Youngjae get on three stops after them, Jaebum quietly calling his name when they reached him.

Like Mark, Youngjae had looked at him curiously at first but when his eyes slid to Jinyoung his expression changed to awe as his gaze bounced between the two of them. His lips split in the widest Jaebum had ever seen on the boy’s face and he’d thrown his arms around the two of them despite the crowded bus and the irritated glances they got from other passengers.

They didn't have much time to talk before Jaebum and Jinyoung had to get off at their school but Youngjae happily exchanged numbers with Jaebum and said he would try to keep an eye out for any of the others.

The next day Jaebum received two new texts. One was from Youngjae letting Jaebum know that he’d found Yugyeom. He’d literally run into him while turning a corner at his school. Yugyeom apparently went to the same school but the two hadn’t known each other on the island because while Youngjae was in the vocal program, Yugyeom was enrolled in the dance stream. Jaebum felt a pang when he realized that Yugyeom wouldn’t be able to continue with that dance program for a while, potentially ever.

The second text was from Mark, telling Jaebum that Jackson had found Bambam eating at one of Jackson’s favourite restaurants around the corner from his house. It felt like all the pieces had finally come together. Jaebum marvelled at the coincidence of it all, at how close all of them were and yet they didn’t know of each other existences, just strangers existing on the fringes of each others’ lives. Jaebum, Jinyoung and Youngjae might have taken the same bus every morning for months and yet needed two weeks on some dream island to be able to bring them all together. Who knew how many times Youngjae and Yugyeom had unknowingly crossed paths in the halls at school or how often Mark had walked past Jackson in the gym without thinking anything of it. How often Jackson and Bambam had eaten at tables next to one another without realizing it.

They decided to meet over the weekend and Jaebum found himself for the first time in a long time looking forward to time passing, not caring at all about his graduation which for some reason used to feel like the end of his world.

They were meeting at Yugyeom’s and Jaebum and Jinyoung decided to head over together, Jaebum picking up Jinyoung from the bus stop and the two rode the handful of stops before walking the rest of the way to the address the youngest had texted them in the group chat Jackson had made. Yugyeom opened the door and sent them both a huge grin before flinging himself at the two of them and holding them tightly. “Hyungs, oh my god it’s really you.”

Jaebum smiled into the taller boy’s shoulder as he held him back just as tightly before remembering why he’d been on the island on the first place. He pulled back and looked down at Yugyeom’s knee. “Are you okay to be up and walking around?”

Yugyeom looked down at his knee, a faint shadow crossing his face before looking back at Jaebum with a small smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. It only really hurts when I run or go up and down stairs.” He paused, frowning slightly. “Or when I dance.”

Despite technically having  just met the kid, Jaebum reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing comfortingly. Yugyeom’s smile grew a little bit and he squeezed back, using the grip to tug Jaebum inside the house, Jinyoung following in behind him. They headed into the living room but as soon as they got there, the doorbell rang and Yugyeom headed back to the door, Youngjae’s bright laugh echoing down the hallway and making them both smile.

Bambam was the next to arrive and that was when the chaos really started. The two youngest acted like twins separated at birth with their dramatic greeting, Jaebum needing to tell them to knock it off out of fear Yugyeom would hurt himself even more.

Yugyeom rolled his eyes but Jaebum didn’t miss the wince he gave as he lowered himself onto the couch between Bambam and Jinyoung. Which was why the next time the doorbell rang Jaebum volunteered to answer it, his excuse being was that he was closest to the door.

Mark was there, greeting Jaebum with a happy smile which Jaebum returned. He warned the boy that Bambam was already there and to brace himself as they walked down the hall just in case the quiet boy he now only vaguely remembered from the island was the way Mark was in real life too. Turns out he wasn’t. He was far from Bambam’s level of hyper, but he was a much more active and animated participant in their conversations.

So much so that they barely noticed the doorbell ringing again over the sound of their conversations and laughter. Jaebum waved Yugyeom off as the boy braced himself to stand up. As he walked down the hall to answer the door he marvelled at how utterly comfortable and at peace he felt with these boys who should have felt like strangers. He only remembered small pieces of the dream on the island and most of that was fuzzy and unclear but he felt so at home with them. Like they were family instead of strangers.

He was pretty sure Jinyoung was the only reason he remembered anything from the island at all. Seeing a familiar face seemed to keep the dream fresh, small things Jinyoung would do would remind him of snippets of his time on the island. He was certain that had he not chosen to speak to Jinyoung the morning after he’d woken up that he’d have forgotten about the whole thing entirely.

He paused for a brief moment before opening the door, knowing who’d be on the other side since everyone else was already here. He felt stupid being _nervous_ meeting someone that he didn’t really remember. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that Jackson was important to him. When he thought of Jackson he felt calmer, happier, even though he didn’t really remember him or much about their relationship from the island.

He took a deep breath, mentally chastising himself for being ridiculous and then opening the door.

There stood Jackson. He looked understandably surprised at seeing Jaebum open the door to Yugyeom’s house, but his surprised quickly morphed into a smile that Jaebum hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing in person but which somehow made him feel warm all the same, like he’d been seeing Jackson smile at him like that his whole life. “Hyung.” Jackson said, throwing his arms around Jaebum’s shoulders and hauling him close.

Jaebum couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his own cheeks as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jackson’s waist, feeling a near overwhelming sense of relief and gratefulness at being able to do so. “Hi Jackson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the end of another fic. This one did not turn out the way I wanted it to but I can't figure out what went wrong or how to fix it. I think I'm going to take a break from writing for a while, or maybe just stop writing this pair for a bit until I figure out what I don't like about this one.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this one and left kudos and comments. Truly you are the reason I finished this ❤
> 
> Till next time, be kind to each other and to yourselves ♡
> 
> ps: I would be open to writing an epilogue for this fic before I go on my hiatus. Let me know if you want one more chapter.


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't really relevant for most of this fic, but it is here so I'll mention it. I've bumped up Yugyeom's and Bambam's ages so that they're the same age as Youngjae. I just thought that having four years between Mark/ Jaebum and Yugbam was too much (given that had the ages been accurate Yugbam would have been 14/15 and that just seemed a little too young for me). So for the purposes of this fic Mark and Jaebum are the same age (because of Jaebum's early birthday), Jinyoung and Jackson are a year younger and the maknae line are two years younger.

Jaebum stared at his name printed on the front of the envelope in his hands. He swallowed nervously before slipping the letter and the rest of the mail for him and his roommate into his bag, the bag suddenly feeling much heavier even though he’d only added a few slips of paper. He walked slowly towards the elevator, in no rush to enter his apartment and the people he knew were waiting for him.

The letter contained the answer he’d been looking for for two years now, the answer he’d been asking since he packed his bags and left home. The letter would either tell him that he’d been accepted into the university music program that he’d wanted to attend for years, or it would tell him that he’d been rejected.

It had been two years since Jaebum had left home and sometimes he couldn’t believe how much his life had changed since then. He’d only lived at his friends house for a month before his mom called and asked when he was coming home. He did, but it wasn’t quite the same. He and his dad had talked it over and his dad said that he would support Jaebum studying music, but he wasn’t going to help him financially to do it. They both tried, his dad tried not to let it show how he was disappointed and worried about Jaebum's future and Jaebum simply tried to not bring up his future at all. There was this tension in the air that none of them addressed but all of them felt that didn’t make it house where he grew up feel like home anymore. Which was why a year later when Mark was looking for a roommate to live off campus Jaebum jumped at the chance to get away from home. It was a fairly tiny one-bedroom, but it was too expensive for both of them to get a two-bedroom. The bedroom was more than big enough for both of them and their stuff anyway and Mark was an amazing roommate even if their schedules meant they were rarely actually home at the same time.

Jaebum had spent two years working and saving up, ensuring he’d have enough for at least the first two years of school because he knew he’d have to quit one of his jobs in order to make time for his classes. He'd finally saved up enough and had applied to three programs, but the school that sent the letter in his bag was the only one he really wanted to go to.

He let himself into his apartment, hearing the familiar voices from the living room as he closed the door behind him.

“Finally! What took you so long, Old Man?” Bambam called.

It was a testament to how far Jaebum had come that the shouted statement actually made him smile as he kicked off his shoes next to the other pairs that littered the foyer. “Sorry Bammie, unlike you, some of us actually have responsibilities.”

“Did it come?” Youngjae asked from his place squished on the couch between Jackson and Yugyeom as Jaebum entered the room

Jaebum nodded, pulling the mail out of his bag and holding up the letter for them all to see. Because of how long Jaebum waited, he as applying to schools at the same time as the youngest members of their friend-group-turned family. The kids thought it would be fun for all of them to open their acceptance letters together and at the time Jaebum thought it would too but now that he was actually holding the letter in his hand he felt a bit sick.

Jinyoung stood up out of the armchair he’d been sitting in, pushing Jaebum into it and then perching himself on the arm. “Open it.”

Jaebum shook his head. “Let Gyeommie go first.”

Surprisingly Yugyeom had become one of the people Jaebum was closest to in the world. Jaebum honestly thought of the kid like his own flesh and blood brother. Since Jaebum wasn’t going to school and didn’t have a daytime job at the time, he volunteered to stay with Yugyeom for three weeks after Yugyeom had his surgery while his parents were at work. He made sure Yugyeom didn’t do anything stupid when he got bored and that he was fed and was able to manage around his house on his crutches okay.

Yugyeom had been lucky. Because of how active he was before the surgery and how well-developed his muscles were from all his years of dancing, he was able to bounce back quite quickly after the surgery, able go go back to full strength after about seven months. For Yugyeom the challenge was in his head. He knew he his knee was better but it was hard for him to go all out because he was afraid he'd hurt himself again.

As nervous as Jaebum was for the contents of his own letter, he was even more anxious for Yugyeom's. The kid had worked so hard to get to where he was, months of braces and doctor's appointments and physical therapy, and he deserved to get into his program of choice.

He was also the only other unknown aside from Jaebum. Bambam had received his letter for a fashion program weeks ago when the early acceptances were sent out, though he didn't open it because he wanted to celebrate with everyone and Youngjae was the most talented human being alive and none of them had any doubts he'd get into his vocal program.

Yugyeom looked a bit pale as he ripped open the envelope, Jinyoung sighing and telling him to be more careful so he wouldn't tear the letter too, but Yugyeom ignored him, his eyes scanning the paper rapidly before the biggest smile overtook his face. "I got in!" He screamed before being smothered in a hug from both Jackson and Youngjae, the voices of the others congratulating him drowning out his laughter.

“You’re up Jaebum-hyung.” Jinyoung said, elbowing Jaebum gently.

Jaebum tried to ignore the way the whole room got quiet and the feel of the others’ eyes on him as he carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. He took a moment to appreciate how insane it was that a single sheet of paper held so much significance, but he wasn’t sure how to explain how much this meant it him. He was already two years behind the friends he’d gone to school with and while none of them cared or brought it up, Jaebum always kind of felt a bit like a failure. He knew he wasn’t and his circumstances were beyond his control but he felt like the paper in his hands would either confirm or deny that feeling.

He felt Jinyoung squeeze his shoulder as he opened the letter and his eyes skimmed the first line: _It is our pleasure to offer you a place in the music program at Seoul University._

Embarrassingly, Jaebum found himself blinking back tears. _He’d got in._

Fuck, he was going to cry.

He handed the letter to Jinyoung for him to read to everyone else and made his way to the room he shared with Mark, crawling onto his bed and pulling his knees up before pressing his face against them. He hated being so emotional about this and he was certain the rest of them would never let him live this down, but he couldn't explain the relief he felt seeing those words on the page. He didn't tell anyone how he was feeling but anyone who listened to his songs could have realized that he was struggling with whether or not he'd made the right choice. Whether he was good enough for this career.

There were some days he left like he was staring at a broken puzzle but the pieces had no image on them, just grey and dull and Jaebum was just pressing pieces together at random and praying that any of them fit.

This was a step in the right direction. He knew it would still be hard; he still had to complete the program, he still had to find a job, but for the first time in a long time he could see the picture on the puzzle. He could see the image of his dream take shape once again before his eyes and as long as he was willing to put in the work to put the right pieces together then he could achieve the only thing he'd ever really wanted.

The door opened and someone stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Jaebum waited, unmoving, as the person climbed on the bed and sat next to him, the  cologne telling Jaebum it was Jackson. He was glad it was Jackson. Jackson knew what it felt like to feel not good enough. Jackson would understand his doubts.

He shifted, moving his face from his knees to Jackson’s shoulder, a place he sought out whenever he needed comfort, a place that always made him feel better.

“Congratulations.” Jackson said, wrapping an arm around Jaebum’s shoulders and giving him a squeeze. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jaebum laughed softly. “Thank you.”

“Why are you crying you big baby?” Jackson asked affectionately, his hand moving from Jaebum’s shoulder to thread his fingers through Jaebum’s hair soothingly.

Jaebum laughed again, embarrassed. “I just… A part of me wondered if I’d made the right choice two years ago. If I’d been better off going into business like my dad wanted instead.”

“You wouldn’t have been.” Jackson said, sounding so certain of this fact.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because success without happiness is worthless.” Jackson said. “What are good grades, a good job or a fancy degree worth if you hated every moment of effort you put into getting them?

Jaebum had long ago stopped trying to figure out how Jackson always knew exactly what to say to make him feel better and instead made sure that Jackson knew how grateful Jaebum was to have Jackson in his life.

“When did you get so smart?” Jaebum asked, snuggling just a little bit closer.

“I keep telling you, I’m good at everything!” Jackson said with a laugh, making Jaebum smile. He could remember times where Jackson would show up at his door, crying, because he felt like nothing he ever did was right, that no matter how hard he tried nothing he did was ever good enough. The fact that he could joke about it now showed how far he’d come.

How far all of them had come, really, from the problems in their lives that had ultimately brought them to each other on an imaginary island in a dream. Jaebum was so proud of how far all of them had come, how much they’d grown up and moved on from the things that used to cause them so much pain.

With the letter he’d just received Jaebum felt like he was finally joining them.

“Are you two still making out in there or are you coming out to celebrate?” Bambam called through the door, making Jaebum blush as he quickly sat up off of Jackson’s shoulder. He knew he shouldn’t have trusted Bambam with the knowledge of his crush on Jackson but at the time he'd just wanted to talk about it with someone and he thought that Bambam wouldn’t judge him for who he liked, and of _course_ Bambam hadn’t, but Jaebum really should have expected the little shit would broadcast it to all of their friends. It was nothing short of a miracle that Jackson hadn’t figured it out by now.

“We should go.” Jackson said as he climbed off Jaebum’s bed. “Bambam and Youngjae are waiting for us to open their letters too.”

Was… Was Jackson _blushing_? Jackson, who had shamelessly given Jinyoung an actual lap dance on a dare without so much as blinking was _blushing_ as he briefly met Jaebum’s eyes before hurrying out of the room.

Jaebum felt a smile spread across his face as he stood up and followed Jackson, feeling like a few more of those puzzle pieces might have just fallen into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your epilogue, as requested.
> 
> I hope this is good. I've been super busy lately but I'm not going to get any less busy for a few weeks so I wanted to make sure I got this written before I forgot the characters I'd written. 
> 
> Till next time, be well everyone ❤
> 
> Anyone who is interested in reading my other fics can do so [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/works)
> 
> Edit: A lot of people have been asking me about the reasons why Jinyoung, Youngjae and Mark were on the island so I'm going to add them here:
> 
> Jinyoung- kind of the opposite of Jackson's reason. He was often seen as 'Prince' Jinyoung who was seemingly perfect and who could do no wrong. The pressure of constantly having to be perfect all the time just kind of got to him. 
> 
> Youngjae- the loss of a pet. I was actually going to write a chapter where a dog made it's way onto the island (temporarily) and Jaebum and Youngjae were going to talk about it but around halfway through this fic I actually lost a pet of my own (my baby for 12 years 💔) and it just hit too close to home for me to be able to write about it.
> 
> Mark- Mark was homesick. He was living in Korea but his family was still in LA. There was a big family event--I was thinking his sister's wedding and he couldn't be there for her, or his graduation and his family couldn't make it to Korea to be there for him. He just felt alone and missed his family. This was why he didn't really interact with them too much on the island. He didn't want to get close to more people that he'd be separated from and not be able to see when he wanted/ needed to. If you noticed, he was more open and willing to be close with them when they all met up in person.
> 
> Hope this satisfies your curiosity!


End file.
